The ISDA Protocol

Read all about Hunter Barkley’s racey new novel The ISDA Protocol here.

Oh. You can’t read about it there?

THAT'S BECAUSE IT’S SECRET.

You could always try his existing one, of course.

Martin flipped the safety, placed his Dictaphone on the table and stood back slooow.
“See? We’re cool, Felix. It's safe. We’re off the record. For old time’s sake.”
“You always enjoyed the drama, Martin.” When Felix sat back he dissolved into the darkness behind his lamp. Only his specs caught a gleam. There was devil in them: a thin, piss-streaked, amber bead of the satanic.
Martin swallowed. “We are tracking a cache of FWMDs. They made it into the EU. We believe they used the UK as a conduit. We lost the trail in Estonia.”
“And what makes you think I ...”
“You move in these circles Felix. Don’t bullshit me. We both know you do. You can help.”
“Help?”
“Information. It’s all I want.”
Felix tipped his head.
“This isn’t the normal plastic equity, Felix. This is hard stuff. CO₂. Nitrous Oxide. This stiff kills people.”
“Emissions, huh?”
“Collateralised freaking emissions, Felix.”
The old man looked away and sighed.
Martin shifted. He caught a vibe “Wait a minute.”
“It is done, Martin. It’s too late. The trucks are rolling. But you have to admit, it is elegant.” Felix tittered. “We have extracted the pure price of governmental regulatory permission to discharge greenhouse gas into the air.”
The temperature dropped. Martin whistled. He let rip a jet of frosted air. “It’s a derivative of…”
“Yes, exactly.”
“Hot air!”
“Well, specifically, a derivative on an ineffective tax on the right to expel hot air.”
“Oh. Right.”
Felix brightened. “Only, it’s five times levered! And Martin?”
Yeah?
“That’s not even the best bit.”
“You mean, there’s more?”
“There’s more.” Felix lipped his lips, lizard style. “The whole thing is denominated in –”
Martin froze. “Oh, Jesus. You can’t be serious.”
“I can.” Finally, that inscrutable mask gave way. Felix’s features cracked and folded and rearranged themselves into a ghoulish grin. He threw back his head and guffawed.
“I can’t… it’s just… Oh dear… It’s just –” He stopped, abruptly, and regarded his old protegé.
“It’s priceless!” and once again he erupted, gales of blackened laughter cascading from that gruesome maw. “Literally!”
Bitcoin. They had denominated this goddamn thing in bitcoin.