This email and its contents are confidential and may be privileged
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Towards more picturesque speech™
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No, no, no. You are desperately marketing a feeble web start-up — oh, sure, a unicorn-in-waiting sans doubte. You just spammed a ten-thousand-fold mailing list you bought on the dark net with your tear sheets and you have the temerity to claim your emails are confidential?
And come on folks: contract 101: offer, acceptance and consideration. You can’t unilaterally impose legal obligations on someone else who didn’t agree to assume them, for some exchange in value.
You can’t send information to countless random strangers and claim it is secret. You acquire confidentiality by not sending your data to countless random strangers. This shouldn’t be hard to capisce.
And privilege? Do me a favour. Do you even know what privilege is? Oh, right. You don’t, do you? You just copied the disclaimer from an email you once got from a car rental company, didn’t you?
“...and its contents...”
High-five, while we’re here for the infinite particularity implied by this ornamentation, as if someone might otherwise think, oh, hang on, the email as an object is confidential, but the information embedded in it is not. A vaingloriously legalistic disposition, if ever there was one: not bad from a random millennial with a MacBook in a Starbucks somewhere.