The Taxonomy of Doom: An Opco Boone Adventure: Difference between revisions

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 {{a|opcoboone|}}
-<div style="text-indent: 20px;">When [[Opco Boone|Opco]], Algy and George filed into the ''Defence Against Indemnities'' classroom, their regular teacher, [[Columbia Cavalier|Professor Cavalier]], was nowhere to be seen. Instead a stout middle-aged management consultant sat at her desk, peering intently through a monocle at a clockwork contraption installed upon it. The machine was labelled “RISK TAXONOMISER”. A badger on her lapel announced her as Professor Skank. As the class settled in she gleefully twiddled the dials on the machine’s fascia.
+<div style="text-indent: 20px;">When [[Opco Boone|Opco]], Algy and George filed into the ''Defence Against Indemnities'' classroom, [[Columbia Cavalier|Professor Cavalier]], was nowhere to be seen. Instead, a stout middle-aged management consultant sat at her desk, peering intently through a monocle at a clockwork contraption installed upon it. The machine was labelled “RISK TAXONOMISER”. The badge on her lapel announced her as [[Imelda Skanks]], [[Master of Business Administration|M.B.A.]].
+As the class settled in she gleefully twiddled the dials on the machine’s fascia.
-“Good Morning, Class!” she beamed. I am Professor Skank. I shall be taking ''Defence Against Indemnities'' for the rest of term.
+“Good Morning, Class!” she beamed. I am Imelda Skanks. I shall be taking ''Defence Against Indemnities'' for the rest of term. Any questions?
+The room fell into an uncomfortable, stony silence.
+Eventually, a hand went up at the back It was Neville Toadstool.
+“Yes, Mr. Toadstool?”
+Neville was momentarily taken aback that she should already know his name.  Mrs. Skanks was correspondingly pleased about it.
+“Er, Ma’am, where is Professor Cavalier?”
+Skanks cleared her throat and addressed the back of the room. “Professor Cavalier has been reassigned.”
+“''Reassigned''?” blurted Algy. “But Madhouse has been teaching Defensive Indemnification for thirty-five years! She’s the best in the business!”
+Skanks pursed her lips. “A little ''too'' long, it seems, class. Her teaching style has been found to be out-dated. It no longer accords with industry [[best practice]].”
+“What are you talking about? Her methods are the ''foundation'' for industry best practice!” said Boone, curtly. “Columbina Cavalier single-handedly defeated a nest of tranched CDOs at [[Bretton Woods]] with one limited recourse trigger and misfiring [[Ipso facto clause|ipso facto]] clause. Her balance sheet was barely dented. She’s a certified ''legend''.’
+“Her methods,” intoned Skanks levelly, “have been deemed unsound.”
+“But —”
+“There will be no buts in my class, Mr. Boone. No buts.”
 The whole class murmured gloomily in response — all, that is, but [[Ramsay Punchface]].
@@ Line 14: / Line 39: @@
 “Well, let me show you, Ramsay.”
-Professor Skank manipulated the knobs. As she did so, the children could see drive-shafts turning interlocking gears, which drove connected flywheels, which spun tiny fan-belts, which rotated brass ratchets, which triggered a row of winking diodes and a bell that softly pinged. Her eyes betrayed an impish delight at the cleverness of the design: the elegance of the interactions; the intricacy of the machinery.
+Professor Skanks manipulated the knobs. As she did so, the children could see drive-shafts turning interlocking gears, which drove connected flywheels, which spun tiny fan-belts, which rotated brass ratchets, which triggered a row of winking diodes and a bell that softly pinged. Her eyes betrayed an impish delight at the cleverness of the design: the elegance of the interactions; the intricacy of the machinery.
 George looked at Boone. Boone shrugged. Algy had started cutting up his India rubber<ref>In contravention of Skool Rule 66(c) para 3: See {{Br|How To Be Topp}}, G. Willans & R. Searle, 1954</ref> in preparation for a barrage against the little swot in the front row, so paid no attention.
@@ Line 22: / Line 47: @@
 Algy catapulted a small nugget of rubber which caught Punchface upside the head. Punchface squawked.
-Professor Skank retrieved the punch tape and regarded the output, her eyes aglow.
+Professor Skanks retrieved the punch tape and regarded the output, her eyes aglow.
 “Good news! Ambient risk is contained! We are at overall risk level 2.6, which is within acceptable bounds, and can be rendered green on the [[Steerco]] [[RAG indicator|RAG Indicator]]. But, look!” she waved the card and tutted.  “Well, that won’t do, will it?”
@@ Line 46: / Line 71: @@
 Algy rubbed his shin and glared at her. “Ah, a side letter, Miss?”
-Professor Skank paused, and sighed, and patiently said, “No, Bailey, side letters are not best pra —”
+Professor Skanks paused, and sighed, and patiently said, “No, Bailey, side letters are not best pra —”
 “[[Disclaimer|DISCLAIMERS]]?”  blurted Algy.
@@ Line 66: / Line 91: @@
 Ramsay Punchface could bear it no longer. “[[Key performance indicator|KEY PERFORMANCE INDICATOR]]S MISS!!!”
-The room went quiet. Professor Skank sparkled with delight. She wheeled on the spot and regarded unctuous little Punchface, licking his lips from the front row. “Ex''actly'', Ramsay!  [[Key performance indicator]]!
+The room went quiet. Professor Skanks sparkled with delight. She wheeled on the spot and regarded unctuous little Punchface, licking his lips from the front row. “Ex''actly'', Ramsay!  [[Key performance indicator]]!
-“Ma’am, where is Professor Cavalier?” asked Algy.