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The Taxonomy of Doom: An Opco Boone Adventure: Difference between revisions

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The Taxonomy of Doom: An Opco Boone Adventure (view source)

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{{a|opcoboone|}}<div style="text-indent: 20px;">When [[Opco Boone|Opco]], Algy and George filed into the ''Defence Against Indemnities'' classroom, [[Columbia Cavalier|Professor Cavalier]], was nowhere to be seen. Instead, a stout middle-aged management consultant sat at her desk, peering intently through a monocle at a clockwork contraption installed upon it. The machine was labelled “RISK TAXONOMISER”. The badge on her lapel announced her as [[Imelda Skanks]], [[Master of Business Administration|M.B.A.]].  
{{a|opcoboone|}}<div style="text-indent: 20px;">When [[Opco Boone|Opco]], Algy and Agatha filed into the ''Defence Against Indemnities'' classroom, [[Columbia Cavalier|Professor Cavalier]], was nowhere to be seen. Instead, a stout middle-aged management consultant sat at her desk, peering intently through a monocle at a clockwork contraption installed upon it. The machine was labelled “RISK TAXONOMISER”. The badge on her lapel announced her as [[Imelda Skanks]], [[Master of Business Administration|M.B.A.]].  
As the class settled in she gleefully twiddled the dials on the machine’s fascia.
As the class settled in she gleefully twiddled the dials on the machine’s fascia.


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Professor Skanks manipulated the knobs. As she did so, the children could see drive-shafts turning interlocking gears, which drove connected flywheels, which spun tiny fan-belts, which rotated brass ratchets, which triggered a row of winking diodes and a bell that softly pinged. Her eyes betrayed an impish delight at the cleverness of the design: the elegance of the interactions; the intricacy of the machinery.  
Professor Skanks manipulated the knobs. As she did so, the children could see drive-shafts turning interlocking gears, which drove connected flywheels, which spun tiny fan-belts, which rotated brass ratchets, which triggered a row of winking diodes and a bell that softly pinged. Her eyes betrayed an impish delight at the cleverness of the design: the elegance of the interactions; the intricacy of the machinery.  


George looked at Boone. Boone shrugged. Algy had started cutting up his India rubber<ref>In contravention of Skool Rule 66(c) para 3: See {{Br|How To Be Topp}}, G. Willans & R. Searle, 1954</ref> in preparation for a barrage against the little swot in the front row, so paid no attention.  
Agatha looked at Boone. Boone shrugged. Algy had started cutting up his India rubber<ref>In contravention of Skool Rule 66(c) para 3: See {{Br|How To Be Topp}}, G. Willans & R. Searle, 1954</ref> in preparation for a barrage against the little swot in the front row, so paid no attention.  


Eventually, the Professor pressed a button marked “ANALYSE”. The machine whirred, rattled, chattered, and eventually spat out a punch-tape  from a dispenser at the bottom and dropped into a stainless steel tray. Boone thought he saw a wisp of smoke drift up from the mechanism.
Eventually, the Professor pressed a button marked “ANALYSE”. The machine whirred, rattled, chattered, and eventually spat out a punch-tape  from a dispenser at the bottom and dropped into a stainless steel tray. Boone thought he saw a wisp of smoke drift up from the mechanism.
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“Well, Roly, measured against that ambient risk, legal operating costs are too high!”
“Well, Roly, measured against that ambient risk, legal operating costs are too high!”


George put her hand up. The Professor nodded to her to carry on. “How can you tell what the ambient risk is, just by looking at that machine, Professor?”
Agatha put her hand up. The Professor nodded to her to carry on. “How can you tell what the ambient risk is, just by looking at that machine, Professor?”


“Can anyone answer that?”
“Can anyone answer that?”
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Algy, still preoccupied with his rubber, was not paying attention and therefore reacted as if he has been shot. “Er —”
Algy, still preoccupied with his rubber, was not paying attention and therefore reacted as if he has been shot. “Er —”


George kicked him in the shins under the table. “''[[Side letter]]!''” she hissed.
Agatha kicked him in the shins under the table. “''[[Side letter]]!''” she hissed.


Algy rubbed his shin and glared at her. “Ah, a side letter, Miss?”
Algy rubbed his shin and glared at her. “Ah, a side letter, Miss?”
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Again, the Professor pretended not to hear. “Anyone?”
Again, the Professor pretended not to hear. “Anyone?”


“[[Hold harmless]] executed under seal by [[deed poll]]?” volunteered George.
“[[Hold harmless]] executed under seal by [[deed poll]]?” volunteered Agatha.


“''Heavens'' no! What ''has'' Professor Bumblebore been teaching you?”
“''Heavens'' no! What ''has'' Professor Bumblebore been teaching you?”
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The room went quiet. Professor Skanks sparkled with delight. She wheeled on the spot and regarded unctuous little Punchface, licking his lips from the front row. “Ex''actly'', Roly!  [[Key performance indicator]]!
The room went quiet. Professor Skanks sparkled with delight. She wheeled on the spot and regarded unctuous little Punchface, licking his lips from the front row. “Ex''actly'', Roly!  [[Key performance indicator]]!




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