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{{a|plainenglish|{{image|Knee-slide|jpg|Your [[legal eagle]] in the midst of a [[swept-back wing knee-slide]], yesterday.}}}}A two-word ''motif'' that, as much as any other, belies an [[Mediocre lawyer|attorney]]’s dark existential fear of {{sex|her}} own language. | {{a|plainenglish|{{image|Knee-slide|jpg|Your [[legal eagle]] in the midst of a [[swept-back wing knee-slide]], yesterday.}}}}A two-word ''motif'' that, as much as any other, belies an [[Mediocre lawyer|attorney]]’s dark existential fear of {{sex|her}} own language. | ||
(If any) speaks of a nervousness that, should a [[dependent clause]] bite on something that isn’t there, somehow the whole linguistic edifice will come crashing down. But it is an edifice that one can yet miraculously affix to the firmament with this single wipe of {{tag|flannel}}: | |||
{{quote|“''[blah blah blah]'' ... together with the amount, ([[if any]]), that the Vendor incurs ... ''[blah blah blah ad infinitum]''”}} | {{quote|“''[blah blah blah]'' ... together with the amount, ([[if any]]), that the Vendor incurs ... ''[blah blah blah ad infinitum]''”}} | ||
See how it stymies the natural flow of your sentence? As if you | See how it stymies the natural flow of your sentence? As if you slammed on the handbrake, pulled a 180, drove 50 yards back the way you’ve just come, got out and shouted at someone, then got back in, slammed the door, turned around and carried on in your original direction? | ||
Wouldn’t it be neater to drop in that | Wouldn’t it be neater to drop in that “any” when you first needed it? | ||
{{quote|“ | {{quote|“ ... together with '''any''' amount the Vendor incurs... ”}} | ||
Why add that inessential, parenthetical adjectival clause? | Why add that inessential, parenthetical adjectival clause? | ||
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===[[In your face]]=== | ===[[In your face]]=== | ||
[[If any]], like “[[or any part thereof]]”, is a neat exclamation point if you want to get the last word in a round of “[[Anal paradox| | [[If any]], like “[[or any part thereof]]”, is a neat exclamation point if you want to get the last word in a round of “[[Anal paradox|most anal lawyer]]” in the room. Appending that comment, by itself, to a sheaf in 5.5pt font and [[fax]]ing it back an hour before the deal is due to close entitles one to a [[swept-back wing knee-slide]]. But, really, that is a cheap thrill — inserting late-breaking trifles is shooting fish in a barrel. It brings no inner peace. Not much, anyway. | ||
No; true ninja [[legal eagle]] points only accrue to the curmudgeonly sod on the ''other'' side — the [[JC]] likes to think it would be someone like him — who, with poker face and jaw set coolly against the ticking clock, regards your facile markup and rails against its tyrannous [[anal paradox]]. He strikes that piffling amendment, citing the sacred interest of elegant prose, saying ''this will not do''. His priapic [[sales]] colleagues, seeing a fiscal bedding slipping away from them as surely as sand drains from the hourglass, can only gape. | No; true ninja [[legal eagle]] points only accrue to the curmudgeonly sod on the ''other'' side — the [[JC]] likes to think it would be someone like him — who, with poker face and jaw set coolly against the ticking clock, regards your facile markup and rails against its tyrannous [[anal paradox]]. He strikes that piffling amendment, citing the sacred interest of elegant prose, saying ''this will not do''. His priapic [[sales]] colleagues, seeing a fiscal bedding slipping away from them as surely as sand drains from the hourglass, can only gape. | ||