Diver

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One who on the merest suggestion of a contact, however benign, will go down like the proverbial sack of shit, if need be executing a magnificent swan dive — an act of personal exertion far more ambitious than the employee would ever attempt in performance of her ordinary duties, to cover the ground required to land squarely in the penalty box.

Divers - in their ordinary roles typically remarkable only in their indolence and obtuseness — will surprise everyone with the commitment and ingenuity they show when pursuing their allegations of discrimination, constructive dismissal, or when applying for flexible working.