Weeds
Weeds
/wiːdz/ (n.)
(usage: into the ~; deep in the ~ etc.)
A lush undergrowth of spontaneously propagated indentures, subscription agreements, confidentiality agreements and the like which traditionally provide abundant nesting materials (flax, dry twigs, liability carve-ins and carve-outs, indemnity scoping arguments, governing law and jurisdiction clauses, wild celery and so on) for local legal eagles.
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Office anthropology™
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Sometimes their chicks find these nests so comforting that many spend their entire lives feasting on the rich biodiversity they find there.
But there are weeds — honestly, no-one cares less whether the indemnity in a custody agreement carves out gross negligence or not, and the sooner one realises this the happier one’s life will be — and there are “weeds”.
On one view, a lawyer’s descent into any kind of legal analysis, however fundamental, is a descent into the “weeds”. One sees this attitude most commonly articulated amongst inhouse lawyers.
Inhouse lawyers and the fear of the weeds
The legal department in any commercial organisation is a place of entropic stasis. People go there to die. They eventually get crushed under the weight of of tedium, the way wasps succumb to honey. To insist on dwelling among the arcane legal details — the “weeds” — is the mark of the unpromotable laggard. The JC is one of those.
A popular means of career progression for inhouse lawyers — some would say the only means — is to avoid this fate by converting into managers.
The JC was once told, “JC, if you want to progress in this firm, you must get out of the weeds. You know, and manage.”
“Manage? like as in middle management?”
“Yes! That’s just it! Admin! Sit on committees! Prepare management information and statistics!”
But this is, surely, like buying a cricket bat and using it to play tennis. The JC has no data beyond anecdote to support this assertion, but he still feels it strongly: most people in the world who spend the five or more years it commonly takes to qualify as a lawyer do so because they want to practice law. They do not want to be middle managers. Anyone can be a middle manager.
It requires little acumen to manage. In fact, it seems to require a lack of it. Middle management works even better when it isn’t undertaken at all. In any case, if you want someone to do some middle management, hire a middle manager.
On that day, the JC commended his soul into the weed-strewn honey.