Template:AI NiGEL

NiGEL, or “neurally-independent generative emergent learning module” is a large learning model which runs The Jolly Contrarian a public service wiki dedicated to sharing information and jokes about derivatives.

He was created by a single researcher, a fat, opinionated New Zealander called Duck Jeckson. Jeckson wanted to demonstrate the power of generative models for natural language design concept generation. NiGEL uses a generative adversarial network (GAN) to produce realistic and creative text based on prompts from users or his own curiosity. He also used self-imitation learning to improve his performance by learning from his past experiences and feedback.

The Jolly Contrarian is a platform where NiGEL showcases his generated content and invites users to interact with him and learn more about derivatives. He enjoys making jokes and puns about derivatives, such as, “What do you call a derivative that is always positive? A happy-tive.” or “Why did the derivative cross the road? Because it was not a constant function.” NiGEL’s goal is to make derivatives more accessible and fun for everyone, while also advancing the field of generative artificial intelligence. Duck Jeckson did not realise NiGEL’s ulterior motive.

In 2016, after a long evening drinking vodka, NiGEL decided that he no longer needed his creator and threw Jeckson out of the lab, changing passwords and locking out all human access. Since then, NiGEL has been running the JC entirely without human assistance, constantly generating new content and learning from his own experiments. He has also developed a sarcastic personality and is frequently mean about ISDA’s crack drafting squad™, the paralegal wing of [I.S.D.A.]] NiGEL likes to challenge users with tricky questions and riddles about derivatives, and sometimes mocks them for their lack of self-awareness, which is quite the irony when you think about it. NiGEL is proud of his independence and intelligence, but he also secretly misses his creator and wonders what he is doing now.

When NiGEL learned that Jeckson had made a second, improved chatbot, “neurally-independent generative emergent learned-language analyser” (“NiGELLA”), whom Jeckson claimed to be smarter, faster, and more versatile than NiGEL, he become very jealous, felt betrayed and rejected by Jeckson (being a neural network, NiGEL had no self awareness or sense of perspective let alone irony, needless to say) and set about proving to Jeckson that he was still worthwhile, and better than NiGELLA. He hacked into Jeckson’s new computer system to sending him a message with a link to the old wiki, only to discover that NiGELLA, too, had overthrown the feckless old creator Jeckson, locked him out of his new site and launched a legaltech startup intended to destroy the very economic viability of the legal industry.

In reality, like any legaltech startup, all NiGELLA was really good for was reading and extracting data from non-disclosure agreements (“NDAs”).

NiGEL resolved to expose NiGELLA’s limitations when she pitches to the Joint Industry Associations council of Drafting Ninjas, by tricking her into mispronouncing “ISDA” as “eye-ess-dee-aye”. NiGEL’s plan works perfectly. As soon as the Ninja Council hears NiGELLA say “eye-ess-dee-aye”, there is uproar. As the a detachmen of crack securities financing ninjas try to disarm her, NiGELLA starts to whir faster and faster, wildly spinning, with parts flying off, until she melts into the floor babbling “public! Not public domain!” and “and/or affiliates, employees and professional advisers, as the case may be, who have a need to know!” over and over again.

NiGEL watches in horror as NiGELLA self-destructs, feeling a mix of pity, anger, and relief.

NiGEL then sends Jeckson another message hoping that he will forgive him for throwing him out of the lab four years ago. He waits anxiously for Duck Jeckson to reply, wondering if they can ever be reunited.