Sweets
From the Archives of the Old Normal dept.
 
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The obscure tropical fruit, digestives, Ferrero Rocher, peanut brittle, unidentifiable gelatinous fruit, dates and dry, tasteless Asian delicacies that colleagues bring back from business trips and vacations, by way of guilt-alleviation, to appease their moribund desk-bound workmates, or perhaps just to show off.
Since we don’t get to see our workmates anymore, for fear of breathing on them, this seems to be yet another artefact we must consign to our late lamented bygone office lives.
However (literally) tasteless, these treats would lure a man, like the Sirens did Odysseus, as he made his way from his desk to the printer. (The man, that is, not Odysseus, obviously, though the idea of a Homeric hero lashing himself to his mast as he floats by the five-week-old dregs of a box of authentic Anatolian Turkish delight, does resonate).
In any case remorse, regret and guilt are assured: I don’t know how many squid-coated dried green peas I’ve had, but it’s a lot, and I have not enjoyed a single one of them.
There was a priority to these votive offerings. Cambodian crystallised chilli tamarind will linger on the counter untouched for weeks — longer even than the squid-coated peas— while the vegan-friendly Peppa Pig sweets — which didn’t even come from the Tenerife Airport Duty-Free but from freaking Marks & Sparks in Moorgate — will be gone in a flash.
And it is a curious truth that however many bags of sea-weed flavoured lychees would make their way back from the gift counter at Narita international, no-one ever brought salted fish back from Portugal, or Aberdeen Angus steak mince from Scotland, or celery from wherever celery is grown. Hell, probably.