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Clavam Hominum Senum Pallidorum: Difference between revisions
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{{a|myth| | {{a|myth| | ||
{{image|Senum Pallidorum|png|}} | {{image|Senum Pallidorum|png|}} | ||
}} | }}{{Drop|C|lavam Hominum Senum}} Pallidorum (lit., ''[[Society of Pale Old Men]]'') was — some say, still is — an unenlightened secret order of gentlemen founded in a remote castle in Romania by the “Orphan Count” [[Vlad Paripasu]]<ref>An interesting chap, by all accounts. His parents were killed in a bizarre coracle accident on the black sea, and implausible legend has it that the infant Paripasu was raised by a school of terrapins, earning him the nickname the “Turtle Count”.</ref> in the 13th Century. | ||
The | The order’s goals were to promote the interests of all those with a fascination for chasing balls, standing around fires, hunting, fishing, carpentry, machinery, gadgets, explosions, racing cars, trains, space, beer-drinking, weak jokes, being knowledgeable about Pink Floyd guitar solos, Monty Python and boobs. | ||
In the dark ages, many men felt the oppressive weight of social expectation: that they must adopt unrealistic gender stereotypes foisted upon them by society’s misconception that | In the dark ages, many men felt the oppressive weight of social expectation: that they must adopt unrealistic gender stereotypes foisted upon them by society’s misconception that males, by biological imperative and on the feeblest pretext, will compulsively showboat, play rugby, start fights, hog resources, enter jousting tournaments and bait bears and, with little more encouragement, wage all-out war for the simple pleasure of dominating any other men who so much as look at them in a funny way. | ||
Returning from a duel one day, it struck [[Vlad Paripasu|Paripasu]] just how unfair this picture was. | Returning from a duel one day, it struck [[Vlad Paripasu|Paripasu]] just how unfair this picture was. Gentlemen, he thought, were just ''misunderstood''. Really, he knew them to be a naturally nurturing, collaborative, caring and homogeneous group, fiercely loyal to each other, and tirelessly protective of their fellow man against the intrusive interests of women, children, animals and nature. | ||
What they all needed was a safe space, sheltered from these hurtful generalisations, where they could meet, help each other out, recite their favourite ''Fast Show'' sketches, and generally promote their frail collective interests as a class over the malign, mainly female, forces in society. | What they all needed was a safe space, sheltered from these hurtful generalisations, where they could meet, help each other out, recite their favourite ''Fast Show'' sketches, and generally promote their frail collective interests as a class over the malign, mainly female, forces in society. | ||
Paripasu exhorted his clubsmen to play up to their unjustified stereotype purely as a smokescreen to conceal their real, darker industry. By holding the line against the advancing front of modernity he could not have dreamed how successful his subterfuge would be. | |||
Over time the ''[[Senum Pallidorum]]'', as he called it, metamorphosed from a harmless bullshitting club into an occult sect entrenched in the machinery of the deep state, ensuring fellow members were preferred wherever possible, easing them wordlessly into positions of power and influence across the wide run of human endeavour. | Over time the ''[[Senum Pallidorum]]'', as he called it, metamorphosed from a harmless bullshitting club into an occult sect entrenched in the machinery of the deep state, ensuring fellow members were preferred wherever possible, easing them wordlessly into positions of power and influence across the wide run of human endeavour. | ||
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In the last thirty years the group’s chilling effect on social justice has become obvious and, vilified by progressive critics who observe that statistics do not lie, and that plainly ''senum pallidorum'' loyalists continue to operate unobserved in the deeper shadows of the polity. | In the last thirty years the group’s chilling effect on social justice has become obvious and, vilified by progressive critics who observe that statistics do not lie, and that plainly ''senum pallidorum'' loyalists continue to operate unobserved in the deeper shadows of the polity. | ||
{{Drop|V|lad Paripasu is}}, allegedly, buried in a cemetery in Bistrița, modern-day Transylvania. It is well tended plot, often laid about with wild flowers, coins and amulets from the devoted. Occasionally, a group of two or three will gather to reverently perform the stoning sketch from ''Life of Brian''. His headstone bears only his name, his birth-date — his death is not recorded — and the famous Socratic dialogue: | |||
{{quote| | {{quote| | ||
{{capsital|Socrate}}: Știai că, ca deghizare, elefanții își vopsesc picioarele în galben și se ascund cu capul în jos în cremă? <br> | {{capsital|Socrate}}: Știai că, ca deghizare, elefanții își vopsesc picioarele în galben și se ascund cu capul în jos în cremă? <br> | ||