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-{{a|crypto|{{image|cryptoagle|png|After a hurried rebranding to take advantage of the umlaut}}}}[[Crypto-Eagle]], better known in its new branding as [[cryptöagle]] is a [[special purpose acquisition crypto corporation]], or “[[Crypto-SPAC]]” founded as a division of the [[Lexrifyly]] group the [[JC]]’s [[legaltech]] division that he {{strike|made up|spun off}} in 2022.
+{{a|crypto|{{image|cryptoagle|png|After a hurried rebranding to take advantage of the umlaut}}}}[[Cryptöagle]] is a [[special purpose acquisition crypto corporation]], or “[[Crypto-SPAC]]” founded as a division of the [[Lexrifyly]] group, the [[JC]]’s mammoth [[legaltech]] division that he {{strike|made up|spun off}} in 2022.
-The “Soaring Legal Eagle Acquisition Crypto Corporation”, as cryptoagle is officially known, will launched by initial token offering. All funds raised (in used, unmarked [[US dollars|dollars]] in brown paper bags please) will be used to mint and then acquire [[non-fungible token]]s — [[JollyCoin|JollyCoins]] — which will be [[deemed]] to be [[an amount equal to]] an artistic representation of [[cryptöagle]]’s shares, which will initially be ordinary shares of a limited liability company.
+=== Launch ===
+The C-SPAC will launch by initial token offering. Because it is crypto, it is a bit different to a normal [[SPAC]]. ''Better.''
-The JollyCoins will not confer direct [[Ownership|legal ownership]], of for that matter any other rights, title or interest, in or to the [[cryptöagle]] shares. Recognising that this may seem sub-optimal to less credulous potential investors,once the crypto-tokens have been minted, to ensure the primacy of the on-chain investment, the [[C-SPAC]] promoters have resolved to ceremonially ''pre''-destroy all the legacy [[offworld]] shares as a condition precedent to subscription. This will be achieved by the novel legal technique of [[constructive]] corporate liquidation: than incorporating and then removing [[cryptöagle]] from the companies register, the [[C-SPAC]] promoters propose not to even incorporate the company in the first place, therby ensuring no possible, thus shearing the JollyCoins of any taint, discolouration or other unpleasant residue of the [[trad-fi]], the [[offworld]] physical economy or economic reality
+Instead of buying stupid old trad-fi shares in a trad-fi company, the [[C-SPAC]] will acquire [[non-fungible token]]<nowiki/>s ''representing'', but not conferring any trad-fi rights to, shares in a crypto company. To counter criticisms of [[SPAC]]<nowiki/>s being some kind of opaque, trad-fi lucky dip, [[cryptöagle]] has pre-designated the crypto company whose shares it is going to tokenise: ''itself''. This assures total transparency from the outset: investors will literally be able to see right through this offering.
-[[JollyCoin]]s will instead have independent aesthetic existence as virtual artworks, embedded for all time and all purposes, in a [[blockchain]] where they can represent, final, pure, abstract, platonic form of [[Cryptobabble|crypto-value]].
+=== Subscription ===
+All funds raised (in USD in used, unmarked, low-denomination notes in brown paper bags, please) will be used to mint and then acquire [[non-fungible token]]s — “[[jollycoin]]s” — which will be [[deemed]] to be [[an amount equal to]] an artistic representation of [[cryptöagle]]’s own shares, which will initially be represented by ordinary shares of a limited liability company.
-Not referencing anything whatsoever, not backed by anything, neither explained, defended, justified or needed by anyone or anything, they are untethered from the physical universe and can float free to drift quickly towards the moon.
+=== Anticipatory crypto-purification ===
+[[jollycoin|Jollycoin]]s will confer no [[Ownership|legal ownership]], of for that matter any other rights, title or interest, in the [[cryptöagle]] shares.
-C-CEO Cass Mälstrom said:
+Recognising that this may seem sub-optimal to less credulous potential investors, to ensure the primacy of the on-chain investment, once the [[jollycoin]]s have been minted, the [[C-SPAC]] promoters have resolved to ceremonially ''pre''-destroy all [[cryptöagle]]’s shares as a [[condition precedent]] to subscription in the tokens.
-{{quote|“By removing the physical [[shares]] from existence and only having the [[NFT]], we can ensure that the [[NFT]], due to the [[smart contract]] ability of the [[blockchain]], cannot be altered is the only representation of the share that exists in the [[offworld]]. By doing this, the value of the [[share]]s will then be moved onto the [[NFT]].”}}
+This will be achieved by the novel legal technique of ''[[constructive]]'' corporate liquidation: rather than incorporating and then removing [[cryptöagle]] from the Companies Register, the [[C-SPAC]] promoters ''not even incorporate the company in the first place'', thereby ensuring a total, unhackable air-gap with reality. Thus isolated from any grip earthly logic, [[jollycoin]]s will have no taint, discolouration or other unpleasant residue of [[trad-fi]], the [[offworld]] physical economy or any other reality, personal truth or lived experience. They will instead have independent aesthetic existence as virtual artworks, embedded for all time and all purposes, in a [[blockchain]] where they can represent, final, pure, abstract, platonic form of [[Cryptobabble|crypto-value]].
+Not referencing anything whatsoever, not backed by anything, neither explained, defended, justified or needed by anyone or anything, they will untethered from our mortal physical coil so they can float free to drift towards the moon.
+C-CEO [[Cass Mälstrom]] said, “By avoiding even creating the physical [[shares]] in the first place, and only having the [[jollycoin]]s representing the ''idea'' of incorporating the [[C-SPAC]] shares, we can ensure that, due to the [[smart contract]] ability of the [[blockchain]], the unalterable [[jollycoin]] tokens are the only representation of the share that exists in the [[onworld]] or the [[offworld]]. By doing this, the value of the [[share]]s will then be moved onto the [[NFT]].”
+===Branding remix===
+The [[C-SPAC]] has already undergone a bewildering number of branding changes, and it is less than a day old. The “[[Soaring Legal Eagle Acquisition Crypto Corporation]]” became [[Crypto-Eagle]], which folded down to its present iteration Cryptöagle, and there is talk of a further move to “[[Cryptoegal]]” — see what we did there? — which by logical extension becomes [[Cryptögal]], which sounds like a Marvel superhero, and therefore, sod it, because we ''are'' a rock band, [[Crÿptögäl]].<ref>context: “I’ll have four billion. I mean eight billion. Actually sixteen billion. Sod it, we’re a rock band: make it a hundred billion.”
+<Youtube>https://youtu.be/6WmiBz1fpwc</youtube></ref> We are all about change management at {{cryptoeagle}}.
+===Sign of our times===
+It is a sign of our times that I should even have to say this, readers, but Dogecoin — also a joke — achieved a market cap at its peak of $90,000,000,000 and, well, [[Sam Bankman-Fried]]. So, for the record and lest anyone be tempted: ''this is a joke''.
+I bet some bastard is now going to actually do this and make a squillion dollars. That would be just my luck.
 {{sa}}
+*[[Lexrifyly]]
+*[[Non-fungible token]]
+{{Ref}}
+{{c|Mythology}}