Depth charge: Difference between revisions

{{a|confcall|}}Continuing our theme of submarine warfare,<ref>The [[JC]] is indebted to his friend Mr. N for suggesting this entry.</ref> another rare but, among the cognoscenti highly-prized, technique is the [[depth charge]]. ''Rare'', because you will only see this when an [[all-hands conference call]] has taken the sort of turn for the worse<ref>Which may, but need not be, a [[crazy Ivan|hard-left turn at the bottom of the hour]].</ref> that most experienced [[conference call]] convenors can easily avoid:<ref>Viz., by keeping any matters of controversy or substance off the agenda in the first place.</ref> [[as any fule kno]], a [[conference call]] is no place to raise anything of significance to which you don't already know the answer.

Anyway, a [[depth charge]]: That critical deal approval committee has turned into a shit-show. The presenter — a junior on the deal team, hoping forlornly for a promotion he will never now get — is unprepared, transparently does not understand {{sex|his}} deal and, to boot,<ref>''Das Boot'', needless to say.</ref> has committed that mortal error of not warming up the [[Control function|controller group]] who are due to hear {{sex|his}} application. Further, the guy from Treasury legal, cantankerous on a good day, got out the wrong side of bed this morning and is of a mood to make an example out of young sir in front of his superiors.

The young fellow proceeds and, in the face of the most innocuous questioning from [[Compliance]], limply descends into a stuttering chaos of implausible suppositions and patent fabrications, punctuated by awkward pauses during the last of which a distant voice is picked up an a someone’s microphone — whose, we cannot say.<ref>This is getting harder to mask in the age of [[Skype problems|Skype]], sadly.</ref> The voice is quiet, but clear, and sounding as though it has come from a mouth turned from the handset in a tone of surreptition.

It says: “Man, this deal is such a piece of shit.”