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Internal audit: Difference between revisions
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{{a|people|[[File:Rubber glove.jpg|450px|thumb|center|Medical examination by checklist, yesterday.]]}}Men and women who understand the deadline for everything, but the point of nothing, these are the blessèd folk whose lot in life is to assess your [[compliance]] with measurable criteria because — not being [[subject matter expert]]s — they have no means of assessing anything else. | {{a|people|[[File:Rubber glove.jpg|450px|thumb|center|Medical examination by checklist, yesterday.]]}} | ||
===[[Internal audit]] as [[bloatware]]=== | |||
[[Internal audit]] as we know it today is possible only thanks to the [[information revolution]], whose enabling technology naturally captures, time-stamps and taxonomises every corporate neuron fired across the theatre of chaotic conflict comprising a modern corporation’s immortal soul. Once upon a time those, neurons had form only in the terse syntax of printed memoranda languidly stewarded between the in-trays and pneumatic nodes of the organisation, by wheezy mailmen with green visors and sleeve garters. In that benighted time there was nothing much to audit, and no-one paid much mind to the curmudgeonly old chap in the basement office who was asked to do it. | |||
===The ''anti''-[[subject matter expert]]=== | |||
Men and women who understand the deadline for everything, but the point of nothing, these are the blessèd folk whose lot in life is to assess your [[compliance]] with the measurable criteria | |||
they behold on their clipboard because — not being [[subject matter expert]]s — they have no means of assessing anything else. | |||
Your department’s commitment — probably given, in a typical moment of weakness or inattention, by the [[GC]] who was [[GC]] three [[GC]]s ago — to review annually the firm’s fleet of template [[confidentiality agreement]]s is a fertile hunting ground for the kind of [[operational error]] incidents which are [[IA]]’s meat and drink. | Your department’s commitment — probably given, in a typical moment of weakness or inattention, by the [[GC]] who was [[GC]] three [[GC]]s ago — to review annually the firm’s fleet of template [[confidentiality agreement]]s is a fertile hunting ground for the kind of [[operational error]] incidents which are [[IA]]’s meat and drink. | ||
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The secret, for the most part, is to steer clear of [[service level agreements]], [[key performance indicators]], [[target operating model]]s. Articulate your contribution to the ongoing well-being and measurable aspects of your performance. The experienced commercial solicitor is a vessel for ineffable wisdom. His output is incomprehensible genius. So in large part this is quite manageable. | The secret, for the most part, is to steer clear of [[service level agreements]], [[key performance indicators]], [[target operating model]]s. Articulate your contribution to the ongoing well-being and measurable aspects of your performance. The experienced commercial solicitor is a vessel for ineffable wisdom. His output is incomprehensible genius. So in large part this is quite manageable. | ||
=== | ===Who monitors the monitors?=== | ||
[[ | The ''reductio ad absurdam'' of the foregoing: [[internal audit]]ors have recently hit upon the need to internally audit ''themselves''. To the extent this is not auto-erotic, it is potentially dystopian — then again, the auto-erotic is the same glass, half-full, as the dystopian is half-empty. But may this inflection where [[All watched over by the machines of loving grace|the machines who, with loving grace, watch over us]] begin to watch over ''themselves'' be the point, greatly anticipated, at which our fallow [[corporation]] — famously, a [[Legal personality|person]] in ''legal'' fiction, able to sue and be sued but not one in a ''social'' sense, able to share a pint down that the local — becomes self-aware? | ||
Wake up, Neo. | |||
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