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| After all, however idiotic LinkedIn is, the [[Jolly Contrarian]] still publishes some of its snitty ramblings there. Do as [[I]] say, not as [[I]] do, folks. | | After all, however idiotic LinkedIn is, the [[Jolly Contrarian]] still publishes some of its snitty ramblings there. Do as [[I]] say, not as [[I]] do, folks. |
| | {{linkedin job descriptions}} |
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| ===Job descriptions on [[LinkedIn]]===
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| A guide to LinkedIn profile descriptions
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| {{Tabletop}}
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| |'''Title'''
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| |'''What it means'''
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| |-
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| |''[[Thought leader]]''
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| |Twat.
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| |-
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| |''Digital prophet''
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| |[[Thought leader]].
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| |-
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| |''Web developer ''
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| |Invented the Internet.
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| |-
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| |''[[Derivatives]] [[onboarding]] [[specialist]]''
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| |School leaver from Gdansk, seeking fortune in Krakow.
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| |-
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| |''[[Serial entrepreneur]]''
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| |Unemployable fantasist.
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| |-
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| |''Angel investor ''
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| |Recently, belatedly, made redundant from an [[middle management]] role.
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| |-
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| |''[[Founder and CEO]]... ''
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| |Recently made redundant from an [[operations]] role. Now contracting.
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| |-
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| |''Privileged to be leading customer-focussed teams in an exciting network-centric IT services market''
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| |Dead-set ''zero'' idea what this is even supposed to mean, but sounds disingenuous and obviously a twat.
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| |-
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| |''Executive coach ''
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| |Recently made redundant from an [[operations]] role. Unable to find contracting work.
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| |-
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| |''[[Intrapreneur]]''
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| |Shortly to be embarking on a new career as an executive coach but hasn't realised it yet.
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| |-
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| |''Seeking new opportunities in ...''
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| |Possessed of admirable candour but no common sense at all. A weak gazelle.
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| |-
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| |''Experienced [[financial services professional]]''
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| |Recently made redundant from an operations role. In process of resigning themselves to a life of contracting, but not quite cool with it yet.
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| |-
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| |''Board-level legal advisor''
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| |Recently laid off from a [[law firm]] after a long and defiant career in [[knowledge management]]. Still in denial about employment prospects but coming round to signing up for Axiom.
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| |-
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| |''Social media advisor''
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| |(1) obsessed with twitter / instagram to the point of believing it a bona-fide commercial utility. <br>(2) (Ergo) A twat.
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| |-
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| |'' Best-selling author of... ''
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| |Greetings dear kind sir/madam I self publish my book i sincerely pray it will change your<ref>I mean '' my'' life.</ref> life<ref>It won't (either of them). </ref> please review it on Amazon. I salute you thanks you!!! (''[[sic]] '')
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| |-
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| |''Director of [[talent acquisition]]''
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| |In [[personnel]].
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| |-
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| |''Director of [[diversity and inclusion]]''
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| |In [[personnel]]. Cosmopolitan-looking and adept at posting shameless canonical corporate speak on [[LinkedIn]]
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| |-
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| |''Global Head of Client Experience, [[HR]] Business [[Partner]]ing & Leadership, Learning, [[Talent]] and [[Culture]], [[COO]]''
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| |In [[personnel]]. ''See also'' “Thought leader”. ''And'' “[[COO]]”, ''for that matter''.
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| |-
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| |''Digital Thought and Program Leader running large [[end-to-end]] digital programs across multiple geographies.''
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| |Got laid off from a service-line role in [[operations]] at Fuji Bank. Now [[Founder and CEO]] of a [[Tech start-up]].
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| |-
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| |''Experienced senior operations director with proven project management track record''
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| |Yet, here you are, “interested to hear of any opportunities in project management. Will even consider contracting.”
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| {{tablebottom}}
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| {{draft}} | | {{draft}} |
| {{egg}} | | {{egg}} |
| {{ref}} | | {{ref}} |