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{{a| | {{a|glossary|{{image|Bullshit|jpeg|}}}}{{quote|“''One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important.''” | ||
:—Bertrand Russell}} | |||
A guilty pleasure. A window seat on the unfolding collective nervous breakdown of our times. | |||
Being the sort of person<ref>the technical term is a “[[masochist]]”</ref> who likes Ed Wood movies<ref>Try Danny Glover and Vinnie Jones in ''[[Age of Dragons]]''</ref> I love [[LinkedIn]], despite its immutable hatefulness. Its sole virtue is the sparkling clarity with which it confirms every prejudice a cynic could possibly confect about the world of free enterprise and the men and women who inhabit it<ref>[[Apocalypse|The horror. The horror]]</ref>. | Being the sort of person<ref>the technical term is a “[[masochist]]”</ref> who likes Ed Wood movies<ref>Try Danny Glover and Vinnie Jones in ''[[Age of Dragons]]''</ref> I love [[LinkedIn]], despite its immutable hatefulness. Its sole virtue is the sparkling clarity with which it confirms every prejudice a cynic could possibly confect about the world of free enterprise and the men and women who inhabit it<ref>[[Apocalypse|The horror. The horror]]</ref>. | ||
Whether modestly disclosing [[industry awards]] one has “won” for representing a prolific advertiser in the hosting organisation’s magazine, ejaculating words of insincere delight at disclosure of those awards from those in your [[networking|network]], [[virtue signalling]] your profound commitment to cosmopolitan equality and flexible working, articulating pat advice on job interview | Whether modestly disclosing [[industry awards]] one has “won” for representing a prolific advertiser in the hosting organisation’s magazine, ejaculating words of insincere delight at disclosure of those awards from those in your [[networking|network]], [[virtue signalling]] your profound commitment to cosmopolitan equality and flexible working, brazenly brown-nosing LinkedIn “influencers” for their feeblest posts — those lionising Mohammad El-Erian's [https://www.linkedin.com/posts/mohamedelerian_singapore-singaporeair-activity-6592909269580996608-_Bg5 photos from his plane window of the sea], we’re looking at you — wondrously sharing moronic “[https://www.linkedin.com/posts/ollybuxton_engineering-activity-6692708421109600256-8dYr inventions]” dreamed up by CGI programmers — stop press: we are going to have to have a page for [[Moronic CGI inventions]] — or merely articulating your own pat advice on job interview technique, posting recycled logical conundrums from Facebook that “only a genius” could solve or desperately hunting for candidates — ''any'' candidates — to fill a paralegal role in one of the Emirates (fluency in Arabic preferable!), none of the terabytes put out by denizens of [[LinkedIn]] has a tenth of the merit, interest or distraction value of other social networks — yet, yet, yet — somehow the sum of [[LinkedIn]]’s mealy-mouthed parts is strangely compelling. | ||
After all, however idiotic LinkedIn is, the [[Jolly Contrarian]] still publishes some of its snitty ramblings there. Do as [[I]] say, not as [[I]] do, folks. | |||
===A guide to LinkedIn’s best personal bio descriptions=== | |||
{{linkedin job descriptions}} | |||
{{sa}} | |||
*[[Moronic CGI inventions]] | |||
*[[Rubbish maxims]] — the wit and wisdom of the IT crowd | |||
{{ref}} | {{ref}} | ||