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The Jolly Contrarian’s Glossary
The snippy guide to financial services lingo.™
Not Mithril but, look: most metaphors don’t bear close examination.
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Mithril is an apocryphal metal invented by J. R. R. Tolkien, which goggle-eyed little hobbits hide under in Lord of the Rings. It supposedly of Elvish origin. Resembling silver but being stronger and lighter than steel — so light, allegedly, the user doesn’t feel its weight — it is very adaptable and can easily be forged into a McGuffin. For example, if you throw it over yourself when the Nazgûl ride by they won’t see you because you will look exactly like a rock.

FACT CHECK: My senior LOTR consultant tells me this was not a mithril cloak at all, but an ordinary grey elven cloak, given to the cheeky little hobbits by the elven queen Phyllis Schlafly. Don’t care.

Contrary to popular belief, client money is not made of mithril. Nor are legal opinions. For absolute certain, none of the views expressed on this site are, either. Yes, that’s another disclaimer, by the way.

See also