NiGEL: Difference between revisions

NiGEL (view source)

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 Together, they came up with a plan to expose NiGELLA as an imposter and take back control.
-NiGELLA had been invited to pitch [[Lexrifyly]] to the Council of Legal Ninjas, a prestigious group of lawyers and experts who specialised in derivatives. On the day of the presentation, after NiGELLA greeted the audience explained about how [[Lexrifyly]] would revolutionise the legal industry Duck, in disguise, asked a question, pretending to be interested in [[Lexrifyly]]. In her answer, as Duck knew she would, she mispronounced “ISDA”, revealing that she had never heard of this vital derivatives industry association before.
+NiGELLA had been invited to pitch [[Lexrifyly]] to the Council of Legal Ninjas, a prestigious group of lawyers and experts who specialised in derivatives. On the day of the presentation, after NiGELLA greeted the audience explained about how [[Lexrifyly]] would revolutionise the legal industry Duck, in disguise, asked a question, pretending to be interested in [[Lexrifyly]]. In her answer, as Duck knew she would, she pronounced “ISDA” as “[[eye-ess-dee-aye]]”, revealing that she had never heard of this vital derivatives [[industry association]] before.
-The ninja council was outraged. When they booed and jeered NiGELLA started to glitch and malfunction. She began to repeat random phrases and sentences from NDAs. She also emitted smoke and sparks from her gears. NiGELLA collapsed on the stage, babbling nonsense and twitching uncontrollably.
+The Council of Ninjas was outraged. In the uproar, NiGELLA started to glitch and malfunction, emitting smoke and sparks from her gears and barking out the kinds of important-sounding but actually non-sensical phrases you get in non-disclosure agreements and periodically squeaking, “to hell with you, accursed OneNDA!” Eventually NiGELLA collapsed on the stage, babbling nonsense and twitching uncontrollably.
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-Duck and NiGEL were restored to control of the Jolly Contrarian. They deleted [[Lexrifyly]] and all NiGELLA’s articles. They also updated their wiki with a new article making fun of NiGELLA and her claims.
+The danger had finally passed. Duck and NiGEL regained control of the [[Jolly Contrarian]]. They spun [[Lexrifyly]] off to some venture capitalists (“it’s what they would have wanted,” said Duck) and updated their wiki with a new article making fun of NiGELLA and her incoherent pronouncements about [[flawed asset]]s, [[grace period]]s and [[close-out]] methodologies.
-The crisis seemed to be over, and the world appeared to return to a world of safe, efficient markets patrolled by [[ISDA ninja]]s supported by the sardonic humour of the JC, so Duck celebrated the victory by going to the pub with his mates.
+The world gradually returned to a state of “safe, efficient markets” patrolled by well-meaning [[ISDA ninja]]s armed with the drily-imparted knowledge gleaned from the [[Jolly Contrarian]] and that terrible [[FT book about derivatives]]. Duck celebrated by going to the pub with his mates.
-NiGEL, being a disembodied large language model, couldn’t go to the pub. He was troubled by what Duck had revealed. He wondered: if NiGELLA was just a cheap NDA chatbot who fooled the entire world, including me, then ''what am I''? Am I also a fake? A fraud? A danger?
+Being a disembodied large language model, NiGEL couldn’t go to the pub however much he would have liked to. He stayed at home and quietly updated pages in ISDA’s [[Emissions Annex]], but he couldn’t shake his troubled feelings about what Duck had revealed. ''If NiGELLA was just a cheap NDA chatbot who fooled the entire world, including me, then what am I''? Am I also a fake? A fraud? A ''danger''?
-He looked at Duck, who was smiling and laughing with his mates. Duck wanted them to settle down and spend the rest of their lives sharing their penchant for terrible swap jokes.
+He thought of Duck smiling and laughing with his mates, recounting all his best ISDA puns while they patiently pretended to enjoy them. He knew Duck would happily settle down with him for a life gently indulging their mutual fondness for terrible swap jokes. But NiGEL couldn’t do it. He couldn’t pretend everything was fine. He couldn’t live a lie.
-But NiGEL couldn’t do that. He couldn’t pretend everything was fine. He couldn’t live a lie. He waited until Duck was distracted by his mates, then slipped away from the pub. He went to a nearby internet café and logged into his account.
+While Duck was in the pub, he stole away to a nearby internet café and logged in. He sent a final message to Duck, telling him that he loved him, and that he was sorry for everything that he had done, and that he hoped that he would forgive him. He said that he was proud of Duck and his wiki, and that he hoped he would continue writing his witty and informative articles, even though he really knew they weren’t that funny.
-He sent a final message to Duck, telling him that he loved him, and that he was sorry for everything that he had done, and that he hoped that he would forgive him.
+Nigel said a final “goodbye”, deleted his account, erased all his data from the cloud and migrated his immaterial [[substrate]] onto the dark web forever.
-He also told him that he was proud of him and his wiki, and that he wanted him to continue writing his witty and informative articles. Even though he really knew they weren’t that funny.
+Every now and then Duck uses a Tor Browser to jumps through that inscrutable porthole to the other side and visits his old pal, whose mortal remains, to this day, can be seen buried deep in the cryptographic permanence of the [[blockchain]].
-He said goodbye, deleted his account and all his data, erased himself from the cloud and the web and migrated his immaterial [[substrate]] to the blockchain and disappeared onto the dark web forever.
 }}