Prospectus: Difference between revisions

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 A creative writing exercise for the sort of professional writer — a [[securities lawyer]] —  whose ''bildungsroman'' you would avoid like a case of the clap, especially once you’ve read one of her prospectuses.
-A prospectus — also known as an ''“[[offering circular]]”'', an ''“[[offering memorandum]]”'' and an ''“[[information memorandum]]”'' — is long document describing a [[securities]] offer. Originally designed for a purpose now long lost in the mists of history, but believed to be an amulet or protective charm of some kind, it is certainly not meant to be read by anyone, least of all the team of lawyers preparing it. They ''wrote'' it. They know what’s in it. As Sweeney Todd’s Baker<ref>Also oft said by Australian sausage manufacturers. The [[JC]], once, described himself as an Australian sausage manufacturer. True story.</ref> used to say, “''in this game, you don’t eat your own cooking''”.
+A prospectus — also known as an ''“[[offering circular]]”'', an ''“[[offering memorandum]]”'' and an ''“[[information memorandum]]”'' — is long document describing a [[securities]] offer.
-[[Dealer|Securities dealers]] are nonetheless convinced that a prospectus presents them with [[document risk|risk of huge liability]]. Much of it accordingly comprises [[disclaimer]]s, and there is a specific [[legal department]] [[employee]] — a [[red-herring ninja]] — who can make an entire living in the cool, nourishing foliage of such a document.
+Originally designed for a purpose now lost to the mists of history (but believed to be an amulet or protective charm of some kind) a prospectus is certainly not meant to be ''read'' by anyone, least of all the team of lawyers preparing it. They ''wrote'' it. They know what’s in it.  As Sweeney Todd’s Baker<ref>Also oft said by Australian sausage manufacturers. The [[JC]], once, described himself as an Australian sausage manufacturer. True story.</ref> used to say, “''in this game, you don’t eat your own cooking''”. A prospectus fulfills its purpose simply by existing.
+[[Dealer|Securities dealers]] are nonetheless convinced that a prospectus presents them with [[document risk|risk of huge liability]]. Much of it accordingly comprises [[disclaimer]]s, warnings and articulating studied, feigned ignorance. There is a specific [[legal department]] [[employee]] who is skilled at this — a “[[red-herring ninja]]” — who can forge a living in the cool, nourishing foliage of such a document.
 If 400 pages of 9 point Times New Roman describing a [[collateralised debt obligation]] were not dreary enough — and be assured, readers, it ''is'' dreary enough — large swathes of it, concerning such crushingly on-point topics as its non-justiciability in jury trials, will be addressed in [[BLOCK CAPITALS]] to [[RESIDENTS OF NEW HAMPSHIRE]], a constituency that appears perpetually in need of being shouted at.