Recursion (Book): Difference between revisions

| rowspan= 2 |The woman sits fifteen feet away beside an eroding gargoyle, her back to Barry, her legs dangling over the edge. He inches closer, the wet flagstones soaking through his socks. If he can get close enough without detection, he’ll drag her off the edge before she knows what— || She sits fifteen feet away, beside a gargoyle, her legs dangling over the edge. || rowspan="2"| “She” works better than “a woman”, because it makes you wonder ''who''. If her legs are over the edge, she must have her back to Barry. Again, the fixation with footwear. The reader knows what’s going on. Give us credit for not spooning it out. What she does and what he does should be different paragraphs. Break it out. Punctuate.

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| “I smell your cologne,” she says without looking back. || “I can smell your cologne,” she says. She does not look back.|| Just tighten up a bit.