Horcrux: Difference between revisions

{{a|myth|[[File:Ironmountain1.jpg|thumb|center|450px|A well-armed [[credit officer]] yesterday.<ref>Actually this may be an actual [[undead]] [[Lehman]] employee.</ref>]]}}An object in which an evil warlock, wizard or witch has hidden a fragment of his or her soul for the purpose of attaining immortality. Horcruxes can only be created after committing the supreme act of evil — corporate [[insolvency]], forgetting to [[Registration of charges|register]] a [[charge]] — that kind of thing. Therefore lots were generated in the wake of the [[global financial crisis]], and to this day practitioners of [[dark arts]] (eg [[credit officer]]s) may still invoke them to ward off over-enthusiastic [[sales]]people.

The most famous Horcrux, which takes the form of an [[Iron Mountain]] box stuffed with personal effects and deal bibles, is the “[[Lehman]]”. This has been an ever-present weapon in the armoury of those devilish advocates, [[Buy-side legal eagle|buy-side legal eagles]]. These men and women are all of [[Slytherin]]<ref>Or, at a pinch, the darker recesses of [[Ravenclaw]]:  at any rate there are no [[Hufflepuff]]ians or [[Gryffindor]]an alumni in their throng.</ref> they wield their magical spells in the service of the [[Dark Lord of the Swaps]] — yea; [[he who shall not be named]]; the very [[master of the universe]] himself, ''against'' the righteous forces of or hreroes the [[First Men]], whom one typically finds defending the ramparts of the [[worshipful alliance of broker-dealers|worshipful company of broker-dealers]].

For years, pandaemonium reigned. The dark armies advanced, all but unchecked. They ransacked the shires and, where they encountered any resistance had only to ''mention'' the [[Lehman horcrux]] to reduce the brace resistance to quivering goose-flesh. Sell-side [[Negotiator|negotiators]] were powerless against it. Defenceless.

But then a [[JC|wild-haired prophet]]<ref>Look, a fellow can dream. okay? About having hair, at any rate.</ref> cried, “[[Children of the Forest]]! ''I teach you the Superman!''”<ref>“I teach you the Superman. Humankind should be overcome. What have you done to overcome it? All creatures hitherto have created something beyond themselves: do you want to be the ebb of this great tide, and return to the animals rather than overcome yourself?” — {{author|Friedrich Nietzsche}}, {{br|Also Sprach Zarathustra}}</ref>

But yet, in the year 2021 it came to pass. Of the low-born retail investors emerged a ''counter-Horcrux''; at least as powerful as the Lehman. The [[GameStop]].