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===Horcruxes in current circulation=== | ===Horcruxes in current circulation=== | ||
The most famous Horcrux takes the form of an [[Iron Mountain]] box stuffed with personal effects and deal bibles. It is the “[[Lehman]]”. Since it first emerged in late 2008, the [[Lehman]] has been an ever-present weapon in the armoury of those devilish advocates, [[Buy-side legal eagle|buy-side legal eagles]]. These men and women are all of [[Slytherin]]:<ref>Or, at a pinch, the darker recesses of [[Ravenclaw]]: at any rate, there are no [[Hufflepuff]]ians or [[Gryffindor]]an alumni in their throng.</ref> they wield their magical spells in the service of the [[Dark Lord of the Swaps]] — yea; [[he who shall not be named]]; the very [[master of the universe]] himself, ''against'' the righteous forces of | The most famous Horcrux takes the form of an [[Iron Mountain]] box stuffed with personal effects and deal bibles. It is the “[[Lehman]]”. Since it first emerged in late 2008, the [[Lehman]] has been an ever-present weapon in the armoury of those devilish advocates, [[Buy-side legal eagle|buy-side legal eagles]]. These men and women are all of [[Slytherin]]:<ref>Or, at a pinch, the darker recesses of [[Ravenclaw]]: at any rate, there are no [[Hufflepuff]]ians or [[Gryffindor]]an alumni in their throng.</ref> they wield their magical spells in the service of the [[Dark Lord of the Swaps]] — yea; [[he who shall not be named]]; the very [[master of the universe]] himself, ''against'' the righteous forces of the [[First Men]], whose heroes one typically finds defending the ramparts of the [[worshipful alliance of broker-dealers|worshipful company of broker-dealers]]. | ||
So, for more than a decade, pandaemonium reigned. The dark armies advanced, all but unchecked. They ransacked the shires and, where they encountered any resistance had only to ''mention'' the [[Lehman]] horcrux to reduce brave defenders to quivering goose-flesh. Sell-side [[Negotiator|negotiators]] were defenceless against such [[deep magic]]. | So, for more than a decade, pandaemonium reigned. The dark armies advanced, all but unchecked. They ransacked the shires and, where they encountered any resistance had only to ''mention'' the [[Lehman]] horcrux to reduce brave defenders to quivering goose-flesh. Sell-side [[Negotiator|negotiators]] were defenceless against such [[deep magic]]. | ||
===A prophecy is fulfilled=== | ===A prophecy is fulfilled=== | ||
But then a [[JC|wild-haired prophet]]<ref>Look, a fellow can dream. okay? About having hair, at any rate.</ref> came down from the high mountain and stood | But then a [[JC|wild-haired prophet]]<ref>Look, a fellow can dream. okay? About having hair, at any rate.</ref> came down from the high mountain and stood before the townspeople. “[[Children of the Forest]]!” he cried. “''I teach you the Superman!''”<ref>“Humankind should be overcome. What have you done to overcome it? All creatures hitherto have created something beyond themselves: do you want to be the ebb of this great tide, and return to the animals rather than overcome yourself?” — {{author|Friedrich Nietzsche}}, {{br|Also Sprach Zarathustra}}</ref> | ||
“For it is foretold that a new force born of ordinary, mortal, deplorable retail investors, rise out of the swamp to vanquish the [[Dark Lord of the Swaps]]. Just remember, you [[redditor|reddit]] here first!” | “For it is foretold that a new force born of ordinary, mortal, deplorable retail investors, rise out of the swamp to vanquish the [[Dark Lord of the Swaps]]. Just remember, you [[redditor|reddit]] here first!” | ||
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“There they stand,” said he to his heart; “there they laugh: they understand me not; I am not the mouth for these ears.” | “There they stand,” said he to his heart; “there they laugh: they understand me not; I am not the mouth for these ears.” | ||
But yea, in the year 2021 it came to pass. Of the low-born retail investors emerged a ''counter-Horcrux'' of great power: at least as powerful as the Lehman. Advancing buy-sider soldiers were stopped in their tracks; bogged down; beaten off | But yea, in the year 2021 it came to pass. Of the low-born retail investors emerged a ''counter-Horcrux'' of great power: at least as powerful as the [[Lehman]]. Advancing buy-sider soldiers were stopped in their tracks; bogged down; beaten off. | ||
“What is this new sorcery?” they cried. | |||
''What the hell is she doing?'' | The impasse lasted weeks, opposing forces mired in their trenches; the advancing army stopped but yet no quarter given. For a long winter month they stood, at the point of each other’s spears, unable to advance or retreat. Then, one bright morning, a single, small, brave [[prime broker]] clambered out of her trench, stood up and walked calmly into no-man’s land, quite unarmed, waving a white [[margin lock-up]] in front of her. | ||
“''What the hell is she doing?''” her comrades cried. | |||
The little negotiator raised the parchment above her head, and ''tore it into a thousand pieces''. | The little negotiator raised the parchment above her head, and ''tore it into a thousand pieces''. | ||
Her comrades quailed. “Someone stop her! This is ''suicide''! They will kill us all!” | |||
As they pulled back the arms of their monstrous trebuchets you could hear the [[buy-side legal eagle|buyside soldiers]] laugh. “Finish them off, Melvin!” cackled one. “We’ll be having brokers for breakfast in the morning!” | And so it seemed they would. As they pulled back the arms of their monstrous trebuchets you could hear the [[buy-side legal eagle|buyside soldiers]] laugh. “Finish them off, Melvin!” cackled one. “We’ll be having brokers for breakfast in the morning!” | ||
But then the brave little negotiator shrieked at the top of her lungs, “[[GameStop|EXPECTO GAMESTOPIBUS]]!!!” And there, in the sky, a dazzling, luminous, snorting apparition appeared. A great, pearlescent, archer, flinging arrows of burning destruction into the crowded shorts of the buy-side. | But then the brave little negotiator shrieked at the top of her lungs, “[[GameStop|EXPECTO GAMESTOPIBUS]]!!!” And there, in the sky, a dazzling, luminous, snorting apparition appeared. A great, pearlescent, archer, flinging arrows of burning destruction into the crowded shorts of the buy-side. | ||
“Great Scott! It’s ... ''Robin Hood''!” mouthed the sell-siders, in awe and wonder. | |||
The colossal trebuchets imploded. A great wind flattened the buy-side encampments. Sigils burned. The mercenary forces of the [[Dark Lord]] scattered to the four corners of the earth. | |||
Back in the village, [[Zarathustra]] stood on his rock, observing the smoke on the horizon. He smiled, wistfully. | |||
“One day you will no longer see your loftiness, and your lowliness will be all too clear; your very sublimity will frighten you like a phantom. Then you will cry: ‘''the world is a lie!''’” | |||
{{sa}} | {{sa}} | ||