The ISDA Protocol: Difference between revisions

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 Officer Cadet Lloyd T. Graeber, III, sat shotgun in the parked-up cruiser, drumming fingers on the dash. ''Hot damn, Melvin was taking his sweet time''.
-The two-way burbled:  “All units, we have an A.P.B. out on a suspected cache of financial weapons in a late-model silver GMRA, headed northbound on Baker between Blandford and Dorset.”
+The two-way burbled:  “All units, this is an A.P.B. on a suspected cache of financial weapons in a late-model silver GMRA, headed northbound on Baker between Blandford and Dorset.”
 Graeber forgot about his coffee. He glanced up at  the cross-street oversign — Dorset — and breathed, “Copy that, dispatch.”
-Adjacent his position there was a sudden commotion: a squabble of brakes culminated in a squealing five-car lock-up. Wobbling sedans: honked while a sharkish coupe cruised casually through the red, exiting the intersection with the same unruffled poise as it entered it.
+Adjacent his position, the peacetime accord ruptured with a squeal, then a commotion: a squabble of honks, then brakes culminating in a five-car lock-up. Wobbling sedans skewiff on the four-way: a sharkish grey coupe cruised through the red, exiting the intersection with the same unruffled poise as it had entered it.
-Graeber sure as shit wasn’t having that. He leapt out of the wagon and waved down the vehicle. The driver pulled over easy and let down his window a crack.  A burly man in a shiny suit peered out of a pair of aviators.
+Graeber sure as shit wasn’t having that. He leapt out of the patrol car and waded into the road, waving his baton. The shark pulled over easy. The driver’s window lowered a crack. A burly face peered out through mirrored aviators.
-Graeber pulled himself up to his full height. “Good morning, sir. Are you aware you just ran a red light back there?”
+Graeber pulled himself up. “Good morning, sir. Are you aware you just ran a red light back there?”
-“''Did'' I?” The apology played greasy and insincere.
+Aviator guy feigned shock. “''Did'' I?”
-Graeber nodded.
+Graeber narrowed his eyes. The shades made it hard to tell but the apology vibed greasy and insincere.
-“Well, officer, I can only thank you, deeply, for being kind enough to bring the matter to my attention. I assure you I shall be more vigilant in future. Good day, officer,”
+“You did.”
-The driver gunned the engine and began to wind up his window.
+“Well, officer, I can only thank you, deeply, for being kind enough to bring the matter to my attention. I assure you I shall be more vigilant in future,” The powered window raised. The driver gunned the engine. “Good day, officer,”
 “Hold on, there, sir.”
@@ Line 49: / Line 49: @@
 The window wound back down. “Are we ''okay'', Officer?”
-“''We'" are just fine, sir.” Graeber glared. “Mary I have your KYC papers, please.”
+“''We'" are just fine, sir.” Graeber glared. “May I see your KYC papers, please?”
-“Is this really necessary”
+“Is this really necessary?”
 “Routine inspection, sir. This won't take long.”
-The driver fished his papers out from his visor and handed them over. “I hope you know what you’re doing, Officer Cadet L. T  Graeber.”
+“Now listen here, officer. My client is a very important man. He is on his way to a very important meeting. He is now late.  While I would love to stop and chat, but today, alas, there just isn’t time. Now, if you—”
-“Just my job, sir. To protect and serve.”
+“Papers, ''please''.”
-The driver read off his badge. “ES-2423. That’s Eagle Squad, isn’t it?”
+The driver sighed, ostentatiouly apologised to his passenger, and fished his papers out from his visor. “I hope you know what you’re doing, Officer Cadet L. T.  Graeber.”
-“Yes, sir. Academy, sir.”
+“Just my job, sir. To protect and serve.” Graeber tapped his badge.
-“Isn’t it a little ''below'' an officer from an elite Fin-Crime to be enforcing traffic rules?”
+The driver read it off. “ES-2423. That’s Eagle Squad, isn’t it?”
-Graeber began a monologue. He knew it pat. It was the one he, and all Eagle Squad cadets, were drilled with from their first day: “If we let minor disorders go, invite major disorder to come —”
+“It is, sir. Academy, sir. Would you mind popping the trunk, sir?”
-The driver tried again: “I salute your commitment to defend our broken windows, officer. But, with respect, no windows got broken here. My client is a very important man. He is on his way to a very important meeting. With other very important people. Now, I would love to stop and chat, but today, alas, there just isn’t time. Now, if you—”
+“You what?”
-“Would you mind popping the trunk, sir?”
+“The trunk, sir. Please open the trunk. Routine inspection.”
-The rear window lowered six inches. A silver-haired man gave a celebrity smile, as if Graeber should know who he was.
+The rear window lowered six inches. A silver-haired man gave a celebrity smile, as if Graeber should know who he was.  Graeber smiled back, as if to say he did not.
-“What is the meaning of this, officer?”
+“Can I help, officer?”
-We are following up on an all points bulletin, sir.
+“Certainly, sir. You can help by directing your driver to open the trunk. We are following up on an all points bulletin, sir.”
-“But surely, you a not suggesting —”
+“But surely, you are not suggesting —”
-“I am not suggesting ''anything'' sir. If you would let me quickly check your trunk I am sure you can be on your way.”
+“I am not suggesting ''anything'' sir. If you would kindly let me see your trunk, I am sure you can be on your way.”
-The trunk popped. Graeber wheeled around. The driver was out of his vehicle fast.
+The trunk popped. Graeber wheeled around. The driver was out of the vehicle fast.
-“Now, just a minute—"
 The chrome of the weapons lit Graeber’s face. He whistled. “Well, now, this ''is'' interesting.”
-Do you have a licence for these?”
+“Do you have a licence for these?”
-The driver mumbled, the rear window dropped. A deep voice said, “I do.”
+The driver looked flustered. His passenger said, “I do. I’m a collector. These are antiques. Their closeout triggers have been immobilised.”
 The driver nodded, slowly. Next to him was an  androgynous, alien, but icily beautiful youth of indeterminate age.
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 In a fluid motion Graeber hauled the driver out of the car, shunted him across the bonnet, unholstered his piece and pressed its muzzle into the man’s neck and began to read him his rights. Let’s have your KYC papers
-The silver-haired passenger had emerged from the car. He said, “An un-netted ’92 L.F.C. I sure hope you have a licence for that, son —”
+The silver-haired passenger had emerged from the car. He said, “An un-netted ’92 L.F.C. nice piece —”
+“It’s an antique. I'm a collector.”
 “Lloyd, what’s going on? What the hell’s going on?”