Stairway to Heaven: Difference between revisions

:''WHEREAS: There shall henceforth be designated a mature female generally accepted to be of good social position (hereinafter, the “Purchaser”) who, having taken reasonable steps to verify the accuracy thereof, is reasonably satisfied ''<br>  

:''that all (or substantially all) that glitters, glisters, sparkles, twinkles, glints, gleams or (as the case may be) shimmers, is refined gold assaying not less than .995 fineness, bearing a serial number and identifying stamp of a refiner approved and listed by a recognised exchange''<br>  

:''Furthermore such Purchaser has entered into a valid agreement for the sale and purchase, dated on or about the date hereof (the “Sale and Purchase Agreement”), of a set of steps or stairs and their surrounding walls or structure (hereinafter the “Stairway”)''<br>  

:''to such place (hereinafter “Heaven”) as is: (i) generally regarded by persons having skill and expertise in appurtenant matters as the abode of one or more Gods or other celestial beings (including, without limitation, angels, saints, martyrs, cherubim, seraphim and such eternal souls of the righteous as may have from time to time been admitted therein) and (ii) traditionally depicted as being above (or equal to) the sky; PROVIDED ALWAYS THAT, for the avoidance of doubt, references herein to “Heaven” shall exclude: (a) each hell, underworld, abyss or inferno; (b) any limbo, purgatory, penury, dogbox or other generally recognised netherworld or state of transitional wretchedness between this world and the next; or (c) any other location which, in its ordinary course of business, suffers or permits the continued presence of devils, evil spirits, fallen angels, incubi, succubi and such immortal souls of the sinful or otherwise eternally undeserving as may have passed to the hereafter, in any such case, howsoever described.''<br>  

:''When the aforesaid Purchaser is afforded access to such Heaven such Purchaser shall be deemed to know (or, had it made diligent enquiries or otherwise held the matter in contemplation, ought reasonably to have known)'' <br>  

:''notwithstanding that: (i) it may not be a local business day; (ii) there shall have occurred and be continuing an event or events that disrupt or impair the ordinary conclusion of transactions of the kind reasonably sought by the Purchaser as are set out in Schedule 1 hereto, and/or (as the case may be); (iii) such vendors may not otherwise for the time being be open for business, irrespective of reason,''<br>  

:''upon notice (whether oral or in writing) the Purchaser may, at its option, require the immediate delivery of the said items as are specified in Schedule 1. ''<br>  

:''There is a unilateral disclaimer on such continuous vertical structure that encloses or divides an area of land as may from time to time be in contemplation,''<br>  

:''and, as a result thereof, each Party will be deemed to have knowledge that, from time to time, the construction of certain words may not be entirely free from doubt.''<br>  

:''In a perennial plant typically having a single stem comprising wood or a wood-like material and bearing lateral branches at some distance from the ground (hereinafter a “Tree”) by such small stream as may from time to time be in contemplation ''<br>  

:''there shall be deemed to be a perching bird of a genus distinguished by having the muscles of the syrinx attached to the bronchial semi-rings, which such perching bird makes musical sounds with such muscles, especially those set to one or more recognised melodies or tunes ''<br>  

:''From time to time all, or a substantially proportion of, each Party’s ideas, opinions and comparable cognitive processes of whatever kind produced or arising as a result of thinking and which occur, or give the appearance of occurring, spontaneously in the mind (hereinafter, “Thoughts”) contain doubt, apprehension, and/or foreboding (as the case may be).''<br>  

:''Ooh, each Party shall experience, or shall be procured to experience, an ordinary feeling of amazement and admiration caused by one or more beautiful, remarkable, or unfamiliar phenomena (hereinafter “Wonder”)''<br>  

:''Furthermore the non-physical part of such Party, being the seat of emotions and character, is emitting a loud inarticulate shout or scream expressing a material feeling or emotion in connection with the departure from one place or location of occupancy (“X”) to a place other than such original place or location of occupancy X (“Y”).''<br>  

:''provided that the Parties jointly and severally agree to use their best endeavours to cooperate in in determining how the abovementioned matters should be carried out''<br>  

:''a musician to be mutually agreed between the Parties, and which may or may not be itinerant but in any event must, inter alia, from time to time play a pipe, horn or other wood-wind instrument (hereinafter, the “Piper”) ''<br>  

:''and such significant areas foliated predominantly by Trees and commensurate undergrowth (whether or not contiguous) as are identified by any Party for the purposes hereof shall cause such sound-waves or audible oscillations as shall from time to time arise from such spontaneous sounds and movements of the face and body as are generated for the purposes of instinctive expressions of lively amusement, frivolity or merriment, on one hand, and/or sarcasm, sardonicism, derision or spite, on the other (as the case may be), to be reflected back in the direction of the listener or listeners thereof.''<br>  

:''It shall be not less than a thorough cleaning of a house or room, typically (though not necessarily) undertaken in spring for a person (whether or not female) employed for the purpose of figuratively symbolising or physically representing purity and positioned at the front of a traditional parade, performance, celebration, dance, march, or walk such as commemorates the first day of May in any calendar year.''<br>  

:''the Parties may, in each case at their own option provided such option is exercised within a commercially reasonable period, elect by notice to change the way, path or track leading from aforesaid place X to aforesaid place Y (hereinafter, “Road”), occupied from time to time by such Party.'' <br>  

:''The aforesaid Purchaser, who for the avoidance of doubt shall be deemed to be commercially valuable, may or may not perceive with such Purchaser’s aforesaid inbound communication faculties the sound made by the perceptible natural movement of air such as is brought about by the ordinary operation of meteorology (hereinafter “Wind”), ''<br>  

:''[DRAFTING NOTE: There shall follow hereinafter such improvised melodic passage of instrumental music based predominantly on a pentatonic or mixolydian modal scale executed on an amplified electric guitar, lyre, lute or other six-stringed instrument with a fretted fingerboard as the parties shall, in their reasonable discretion, permit (such permission not to be unreasonably withheld)]''<br>  

:''In addition to the foregoing, if and to the extent the Parties (or their respective successors, assigns and nominees) move in or take a twisting or spiral course down such Road as is aforesaid''<br>  

:''at which point the whole quantity or extent of a particular group or thing (in relation to such group or thing, “All”) shall have the state, fact, quality, or condition (as the case may be) of being singular (hereinafter “One”) at and, in addition (and without limitation), One shall be All''<br>