Stairway to Heaven: Difference between revisions

There’s a lady who’s sure …<br>

:''WHEREAS: There shall henceforth be designated a mature female generally accepted to be of good social position (hereinafter, the “'''Purchaser'''”) who, having taken reasonable steps to verify the accuracy thereof, is reasonably satisfied ''<br>

... all that glitters is gold<br>

:''that all (or substantially all) that glitters, glisters, sparkles, twinkles, glints, gleams or ([[as the case may be]]) shimmers, is refined gold assaying not less than .995 fineness, bearing a serial number and identifying stamp of a refiner approved and listed by a recognised exchange''<br>

And she’s buying a stairway …<br>

:''Furthermore such Purchaser has entered into a valid agreement for the [[sale and purchase]], dated on or about the date hereof (the “'''Sale and Purchase Agreement'''”), of a set of steps or stairs and their surrounding walls or structure (hereinafter the “'''Stairway'''”)''<br>

… to heaven.<br>

:''to such place (hereinafter “'''Heaven'''”) as is: (i) generally regarded by persons having skill and expertise in appurtenant matters as the abode of one or more Gods or other celestial beings ([[including, without limitation]], angels, saints, martyrs, cherubim, seraphim and such eternal souls of the righteous as may have from time to time been admitted therein) and (ii) traditionally depicted as being above (or equal to) the sky; PROVIDED ALWAYS THAT, [[for the avoidance of doubt]], references herein to “'''Heaven'''” [[shall]] exclude: (a) each hell, underworld, abyss or inferno; (b) any limbo, purgatory, penury, dogbox or other generally recognised netherworld or state of transitional wretchedness between this world and the next; or (c) any other location which, in its ordinary course of business, suffers or permits the continued presence of devils, evil spirits, fallen angels, incubi, succubi and such immortal souls of the sinful or otherwise eternally undeserving as may have passed to the hereafter, in any such case, [[howsoever described]].''<br>

And when she gets there she knows …<br>

:''When the aforesaid Purchaser is afforded access to [[such]] Heaven such Purchaser shall be deemed to know (or, had it made diligent enquiries or otherwise held the matter in contemplation, ought reasonably to have known)'' <br>

… if the stores are all closed ...<br>

:''notwithstanding that: (i) it may not be a local business day; (ii) there shall have occurred and be continuing an event or events that disrupt or impair the ordinary conclusion of transactions of the kind reasonably sought by the Purchaser as are set out in Schedule 1 hereto, and/or ([[as the case may be]]); (iii) such vendors may not otherwise for the time being be open for business, irrespective of reason,''<br>

... with a word she can get what she came for.<br>

:''upon notice ([[whether oral or in writing]]) the Purchaser may, at its option, require the immediate delivery of the said items as are specified in Schedule 1. ''<br>

Ooh, ooh, and she’s buying a stairway to heaven.<br>

:''Ooh, ooh, and such Purchaser is in the process of entering into a binding and enforceable Sale and Purchase Agreement for the acquisition of a Stairway to Heaven.''<br>

There’s a sign on the wall …<br>

:''There is a unilateral disclaimer on such continuous vertical structure that encloses or divides an area of land as may [[from time to time]] be in contemplation,''<br>

… but she wants to be sure<br>

:''but the Purchaser is entitled at its option to be satisfied, having taken reasonable steps to ascertain the same''<br>

’Cause you know sometimes words have two meanings.<br>

:''and, as a result thereof, each Party will be [[deemed]] to have knowledge that, [[from time to time]], the construction of certain words may not be entirely free from doubt.''<br>

In a tree by the brook ...<br>

:''In a perennial plant typically having a single stem comprising wood or a wood-like material and bearing lateral branches at some distance from the ground ([[hereinafter]] a “'''Tree'''”) by such small stream as may [[from time to time]] be in contemplation ''<br>

... there’s a songbird who sings<br>

:''there shall be deemed to be a perching bird of a genus distinguished by having the muscles of the syrinx attached to the bronchial semi-rings, which such perching bird makes musical sounds with such muscles, especially those set to [[one or more]] recognised melodies or tunes ''<br>