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This over-developed instinct for his own self-preservation can manifest itself in a number of ways: | This over-developed instinct for his own self-preservation can manifest itself in a number of ways: | ||
*Superb upward management: It may be a truism that colleagues, clients and service providers understand instinctively the uselessness of such an employee (they're the ones who have to deal with him, after all) but his line management will not: the survivor may escape detection through fluency in management speak and the good works of right-minded colleagues who, believing it is a meritocracy and their actions will be recognised, will constantly compensate for him (and, for their trouble, will be penalised for his lassitude). | *'''Superb upward management''': It may be a truism that colleagues, clients and service providers understand instinctively the uselessness of such an employee (they're the ones who have to deal with him, after all) but his line management will not: the survivor may escape detection through fluency in [[management speak]] and the good works of right-minded colleagues who, believing it is a meritocracy and their actions will be recognised, will constantly compensate for him (and, for their trouble, will be penalised for his lassitude). | ||
*A sixth sense | *'''A sixth sense''': Laggards have been known to survive for decades in the capital markets by picking the right mediocre organisation in which to go unnoticed, staying unevaluated as long as possible, only to step off just before it implodes through exactly the kind of systematic mediocrity that saw it employing said survivor for fifteen years without question. There was once a well trodden path through collapsing Japanese security houses in the 1990s, into British and European ones in the 2000s, some even making it to the state-owned promised land of Lloyd's or The Royal Bank of Scotland where, for all we know they still lurk undetected in various regulatory roles; | ||
*Familiarity with | *'''Familiarity with [[HR]]''': Coming to the attention of HR is considered poor practice among diligent employees, but the one who is prepared to game the inconstancy timidity and ineptitude of the [[human resources]] department—in fact, a pretty good bet—may confuse and frighten those who make the termination decisions to such a point that they are frightened to act. Having a discriminatable-against attribute (and these days it's a broad church - age, disability, marital status, pregnancy, race, religion, sex, sexual orientation, gender identity all get you home, so worst case scenario you can feign transvestism) certainly helps. | ||
*“Key man” engineering: A survivor who is put in charge of an unglamorous but important aspect of the business (and let's face it: this is prime territory for someone no-one really likes) will naturally turn this to his advantage by hoarding all knowledge and cultivating arcane and confusing procedures around it so that the function could not be carried out in his absence. Entreaties for simplification and syndication of knowledge will be met with solemn agreement but no action at all. | |||
{{dramatis personae}} | |||