Template:Linkedin job descriptions: Difference between revisions

|''[[Thought leader]]''

|Git.  

|''[[Digital prophet]]''

|[[Thought leader]].  

|''Keynote speaker''

|[[Thought leader]].  

|''Lateral Thinker''

|Unable to follow a sustained argument or complex syllogism. Prone to random outbursts.

|''Futurist''  

|Dullard and liar (unless literally a medium or clairvoyant in which case this is market standard puffery)

|''Privileged to be leading customer-focused teams in an exciting network-centric IT services market''

|No idea what this means, but clearly disingenuous and obviously a git.

|''Speaker · Author · Mentor · Catalyst · Facilitator · Rebel ''

|The [[Thought leader]]’s [[Thought leader]]

| ''Futurist · Visionary Consultant · Quantitative Futurism · Authentic Innovation · Be the Architect of Your Future''

| God knows, but imagine getting stuck in a lift with this guy. Then again, if —[[Spartan if]] — he is as good as his word this is not likely to happen since being a futurist he should have anticipated it. So, come to think of it, an ''excellent'' guy to get in a lift with.

|''Award-winning Executive Leader Focused on Streamlining Processes, Driving Revenues, And Leading High-Performing Teams. Currently open to job opportunities at vice president level. (He/Him)''

|Reads a page of the dictionary before his tai chi and ice bath at dawn each day. Apparently hasn’t made it to “[[cognitive dissonance]]” yet.

|''Real Estate Broker who Specialises in Making the Impossible Possible''

| Liar and fantasist. Hopefully not also an architect or building engineer.

| ''Leading the Digital Transformation of Economy''

| Possibly the Prime Minister? Not even ''The'' Economy? Alternatively, works for an airline, figuring out whether passengers in coach can work from home.

|colspan="2"|'''Section B: Lifers from personnel'''

|''Director of [[talent acquisition]]''

|In [[personnel]].  

|''Director of [[diversity and inclusion]]''

|In [[personnel]]. Caucasian, male, can spot a bandwagon at 200 yards, is adept at [[virtue-signalling]] and spends most of day tweeting shameless corporate speak.

|''Global Head of Client Experience, [[HR]] Business [[Partner]]ing & Leadership, Learning, [[Talent]] and [[Culture]], [[COO]]''

|In [[personnel]]. ''See also'' “[[Thought leader]]”. ''And'' “[[COO]]”, ''for that matter''.  

|colspan="2"|'''Section C: The temporarily employed, unemployed, and soon-to-be-unemployed'''

|''[[Intrapreneur]]''

|Shortly to be embarking on a new career as an executive coach but hasn’t realised it yet.  

|''[[Entrepreneur]]''

|Used to be a [[managing director]] in [[sales]], until the bottom of the barrel [[whacked]] her, literally, on the arse. Necessity is the mother of invention, right?

|''[[Serial entrepreneur]]''

|Unemployable fantasist.

|''Angel investor ''

|Recently, belatedly, made [[redundant]] from an [[middle management]] role.  

|''Experienced [[financial services professional]]''

|Recently made redundant from an operations role. In process of resigning themselves to a life of contracting, but not quite cool with it yet.  

|''Board-level legal advisor''

|Recently laid off from a [[law firm]] after a long and defiant career in [[knowledge management]]. Still in denial about employment prospects but coming round to signing up for Axiom.

|''[[Founder and CEO]]''

|Recently made redundant from an [[operations]] role. Now contracting.  

|''Executive coach''

|Recently made redundant from an [[operations]] role. Unable to find work contracting.  

|''Digital Thought and Program Leader running large [[end-to-end]] digital programs across multiple geographies.''  

|Got laid off from a [[Service line|service-line]] role in [[operations]] at Fuji Bank. Now [[Founder and CEO]] of a [[legaltech entrepreneur|legaltech start-up]].

|''[[Results-driven]] executive with [[proven track record]] of success in programme management''

|Fish-food aspirant. Probably in the digestive system of a carp somewhere. It is all for the best. It was a mercy killing.

|''Experienced senior operations director with [[proven track record]]''

|Yet, here you are, “interested to hear of any opportunities. Will even consider contracting.”

|''Seeking new opportunities in ...''

|Possessed of charming candour but no common sense at all. ''Never'' admit you are out of work.

|''[[Workstream lead]]''

| {{workstream lead capsule}}

|colspan="2"|'''Section D: Miscellaneous'''

|''Web developer ''

|Invented the Internet.  

|''[[Derivatives]] [[onboarding]] specialist''

|School leaver from Gdansk, seeking fortune in Krakow.

|''Social media advisor''

|(1) obsessed with twitter/instagram to the point of believing it a bona-fide commercial utility. <br>(2) (Ergo) git.  

|'' Best-selling author of... ''  

|Greetings dear kind sir/madam I self publish my book i sincerely pray it will change your ''[I mean '''my''']'' life. ''[It won’t. (Either of them).]'' Please review it on Amazon. I salute you thanks you!!! (''[[sic]]'')

|''[[Passionate]] about supporting and developing people in a way that is meaningful for them. Available immediately.''

| What. Just what. At a guess, underwear salesperson or photo lab assistant. Glass half-full type, anyways.

|''Facilitator, Soul Coach & Channel at Awakening Lawyers''

| Laxative? Clairvoyant? Alarm Clock? Guessing here.

{{tablebottom}}