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{{a| | {{a|opcobooneadventure|}}<div style="text-indent: 20px;">When [[Opco Boone|Opco]], Algy and [[Janice]] filed into the ''Defence Against Indemnities'' classroom, [[Columbia Cavalier|Professor Cavalier]], was nowhere to be seen. Instead, a stout middle-aged management consultant sat at her desk, peering intently through a monocle at a clockwork contraption installed upon it. The machine was labelled “[[Risk taxonomy|RISK TAXONOMISER]]”. The badge on her lapel announced her as [[Imelda Skaggs]], [[Master of Business Administration|M.B.A.]]. | ||
As the class settled in she gleefully twiddled the dials on the machine’s fascia. | As the class settled in she gleefully twiddled the dials on the machine’s fascia. | ||
“Good Morning, Class!” she beamed. My name is | “Good Morning, Class!” she beamed. My name is Miss Skaggs. I shall be taking ''Defence Against Indemnities'' for the rest of term. | ||
The room fell into an uncomfortable, stony silence. | The room fell into an uncomfortable, stony silence. | ||
Skaggs forced a smile. “Any questions, or shall we get on with it?” | |||
Slowly, a hand went up at the back. It belonged to Neville Toadstool, a slow-witted boy with cross-eyes and a big nose. | Slowly, a hand went up at the back. It belonged to Neville Toadstool, a slow-witted boy with cross-eyes and a big nose. | ||
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“Yes, Mr. Toadstool?” | “Yes, Mr. Toadstool?” | ||
Neville was momentarily taken aback that she should already know his name. Mrs. | Neville was momentarily taken aback that she should already know his name. Mrs. Skaggs was correspondingly pleased about it. | ||
“Er, Ma’am, where is Professor Cavalier?” | “Er, Ma’am, where is Professor [[Columbina Cavalier|Cavalier]]?” | ||
Skaggs cleared her throat and addressed the back of the room. “Professor Cavalier has been — ah — reassigned.” | |||
“''Reassigned''?” blurted Algy. “But Madhouse has been teaching Defensive Indemnification for thirty-five years! She’s the best in the business!” | “''Reassigned''?” blurted Algy. “But Madhouse has been teaching Defensive Indemnification for thirty-five years! She’s the best in the business!” | ||
Skaggs pursed her lips. “A little ''too'' long, it seems, class. Her teaching style has been found to be out-dated. It no longer accords with industry [[best practice]].” | |||
“What are you talking about? Her methods are the ''foundation'' for industry best practice!” said Boone, curtly. | “What are you talking about? Her methods are the ''foundation'' for industry best practice!” said Boone, curtly. “[[Columbina Cavalier]] single-handedly defeated a nest of tranched [[CDO]]s at [[Bretton Woods]] with one [[limited recourse]] trigger and misfiring [[Ipso facto clause|ipso facto]] clause. Her balance sheet was barely dented. She’s a certified ''legend''.’ | ||
“Her methods,” intoned | “Her methods,” intoned Skaggs levelly, “have been [[deemed]] unsound.” | ||
“But —” | “But —” | ||
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“Well, let me show you, Roly.” | “Well, let me show you, Roly.” | ||
Professor | Professor Skaggs manipulated the knobs. As she did so, the children could see drive-shafts turning interlocking gears, which drove connected flywheels, which spun tiny fan-belts, which rotated brass ratchets, which triggered a row of winking diodes and a bell that softly pinged. Her eyes betrayed an impish delight at the cleverness of the design: the elegance of the interactions; the intricacy of the machinery. | ||
[[Janice]] looked at Boone. Boone shrugged. Algy had started cutting up his India rubber<ref>In contravention of Skool Rule 66(c) para 3: See {{Br|How To Be Topp}}, G. Willans & R. Searle, 1954</ref> in preparation for a barrage against the little swot in the front row, so paid no attention. | |||
Eventually, the Professor pressed a button marked “ANALYSE”. The machine whirred, rattled, chattered, and eventually spat out a punch-tape from a dispenser at the bottom and dropped into a stainless steel tray. Boone thought he saw a wisp of smoke drift up from the mechanism. | Eventually, the Professor pressed a button marked “ANALYSE”. The machine whirred, rattled, chattered, and eventually spat out a punch-tape from a dispenser at the bottom and dropped into a stainless steel tray. Boone thought he saw a wisp of smoke drift up from the mechanism. | ||
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Algy catapulted a small nugget of rubber which caught Punchface upside the head. Punchface squawked. | Algy catapulted a small nugget of rubber which caught Punchface upside the head. Punchface squawked. | ||
Professor | Professor Skaggs retrieved the punch tape and regarded the output, her eyes aglow. | ||
“Good news! Ambient risk is contained! We are at overall risk level 2.6, which is within acceptable bounds, and can be rendered green on the [[Steerco]] [[RAG indicator|RAG Indicator]]. But, look!” she waved the card and tutted. “Well, that won’t do, will it?” | “Good news! Ambient risk is contained! We are at overall risk level 2.6, which is within acceptable bounds, and can be rendered green on the [[Steerco]] [[RAG indicator|RAG Indicator]]. But, look!” she waved the card and tutted. “Well, that won’t do, will it?” | ||
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“Well, Roly, measured against that ambient risk, legal operating costs are too high!” | “Well, Roly, measured against that ambient risk, legal operating costs are too high!” | ||
[[Janice]] put her hand up. The Professor nodded to her to carry on. “How can you tell what the ambient risk is, just by looking at that machine, Professor?” | |||
“Can anyone answer that?” | “Can anyone answer that?” | ||
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Algy, still preoccupied with his rubber, was not paying attention and therefore reacted as if he has been shot. “Er —” | Algy, still preoccupied with his rubber, was not paying attention and therefore reacted as if he has been shot. “Er —” | ||
[[Janice]] kicked him in the shins under the table. “''[[Side letter]]!''” she hissed. | |||
Algy rubbed his shin and glared at her. “Ah, a side letter, Miss?” | Algy rubbed his shin and glared at her. “Ah, a side letter, Miss?” | ||
Professor | Professor Skaggs paused, and sighed, and patiently said, “No, Bailey, side letters are not best pra —” | ||
“[[Disclaimer|DISCLAIMERS]]?” blurted Algy. | “[[Disclaimer|DISCLAIMERS]]?” blurted Algy. | ||
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Again, the Professor pretended not to hear. “Anyone?” | Again, the Professor pretended not to hear. “Anyone?” | ||
“[[Hold harmless]] executed under seal by [[deed poll]]?” volunteered | “[[Hold harmless]] executed under seal by [[deed poll]]?” volunteered [[Janice]]. | ||
“''Heavens'' no! What ''has'' Professor Bumblebore been teaching you?” | “''Heavens'' no! What ''has'' Professor Bumblebore been teaching you?” | ||
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Roly Punchface could bear it no longer. “[[Key performance indicator|KEY PERFORMANCE INDICATOR]]S MISS!!!” | Roly Punchface could bear it no longer. “[[Key performance indicator|KEY PERFORMANCE INDICATOR]]S MISS!!!” | ||
The room went quiet. Professor | The room went quiet. Professor Skaggs sparkled with delight. She wheeled on the spot and regarded unctuous little Punchface, licking his lips from the front row. “Ex''actly'', Roly! [[Key performance indicator]]! | ||