This is an auto-generated email: Difference between revisions

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{{a|work|[[File:Dalek.png|450px|thumb|center|Resistance is useless.]]}}Is there anything grimmer, in a [[High-modernist|high-modern]] working life strewn with grimnities, than the autogenerated email reply? It is so disempowering, so [[passive-aggressive]], so ignorant of every principle of the richness of experience to which our dark overlords profess commitment, that you would think no thoughtful administrator would dream of using it.
{{a|work|{{image|Dalek|png|Resistance is useless.}}}}Is there anything grimmer, in a [[High-modernist|high-modern]] working life strewn with grimnities, than an autogenerated email? It is so disempowering, so [[passive-aggressive]], so ''ignorant'' of every basic principle of a life well-lived, full of rich professional experience — a life to which our [[Human resources|dark overlord]]s pledge [[Virtue signalling|public, undying commitment]] — that you would think no thoughtful modern business administrator would dream of using it.


But modern administrators are thoughtful in the way yachts are dairy-free. If we take it as a given that the optimal outcome to a newly-implemented process is 100% compliance without hesitation, repetition or deviation, let alone (God forbid!) ''complaint'', then it is only sensible product [[design]] to ensure the loud-hailer can everywhere, but come from nowhere, and its supplicants, having clocked its clangorous tone — in the comprehensively auditable ecosystem of an exchange server, they cannot avoid it — have no choice but to bend their weary footsteps to its urgings, however preposterous the outcome of that action might be.
But modern business administrators are thoughtful in the way modern yachts are dairy-free.  
 
If we take it as a given that the optimal outcome to a newly-implemented process is 100% compliance without hesitation, repetition or deviation, let alone (God forbid!) ''complaint'', then it is no more than sensible product [[design]] to ensure your loud-hailer can go ''everywhere'' yet come from ''nowhere'' and, once supplicants have clocked its clangorous tone — in the comprehensively auditable ecosystem of a Microsoft Exchange server, they can hardly miss it, even if they ''do'' actually, you know, miss it — they have no choice but to bend their weary footsteps to its urgings, however preposterous the outcome of that action might be.
 
But years of miserable life-experience tells us ''not'' take that as a given.
 
Even well-designed processes rust over time — and those that envision the [[meatware]] playing “[[Simon Says]]” with an automated compliance system are ''not'' well-designed, let us be clear — so those responsible for them still need the occasional nudge to give the whole thing a going over with {{plainlink|https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2ofy6l|a wire brush and Dettol}} just to make sure it remains fit for purpose. This nudge usually comes from those [[Meatware|obliged to ''follow'' the process]] ''complaining'' about it.
 
In this way are interests, theoretically, aligned: the [[meatware]] resents its time being wasted; [[middle manager]]s don’t enjoy being whined at, so the [[Systemantics: The Systems Bible|feedback loop]] balances itself into a kind of vaguely [[tiresome]] equilibrium. Every now and then, before things get properly absurd, [[Middle management ouija|middle management]] will overhaul the process to make it less of a pain — for everyone.
 
The unmonitored, auto-generated email ''breaks'' that feedback loop.
 
Now the [[user]] doesn’t know who sent the email, who owns the system, or whom to whine at. She may try to work it out, by searching [[Quantum indeterminacy|fruitlessly]] on the [[intranet]] —It is a truth universally acknowledged that no intranet contains any information that is both up-to-date ''and'' useful — but her wave of ire will eventually crest and she will go back to her other [[Tedium|tediae]], the matter unresolved.
 
The responsible middle manager — if there is one, and we cannot now even be certain of that: for all we know, the system may have become self-aware, generating its own Kafkaesque processes — remains blissfully ignorant of the [[waste]] and exasperation. Indeed, unshackled from the responsibility of keeping the process serviceably un-stupid, she is free to create ''more'' wasteful processes, watched over by ''more'' unmonitored accounts, and for each one of them she can report a full slate of green indicators on her [[RAG status|RAG]] dashboard at the monthly [[opco]] [[stakeholder]] check-in. Compliance is ''inferred'' and when, as surely it will, something catastrophically breaks, [[internal audit]] must look ''ex machina'' for the fault in our stars and will find it, instead, in the mortal [[Human error|human hearts]] of the subject matter expert. Our care-free middle manager may even get a promotion.
 
This really does happen. The aftermath of [[Archegos]] within the brokers was of exactly this character.
 
{{sa}}
*The auto-generated email that does not just ''warn'' you about something, or ''chide'' you for something, but ''[[You’ve been assigned a task!|actively gives you work to do]]''. [[You’ve been assigned a task!]]
*[[Email]]
*{{fieldguide}}
{{ref}}