Shall

A verb that seems so safe - so forensic - fusty, old-fashioned, goodie-two-shoes - but yet tantalisingly vague.

It's vague in that it could be an airily floated aspiration of future — “I say,” said Jenkins, absent-mindedly knocking out his pipe on a passing child’s head, “I do believe I shall go to the theatre tonight!”

On the other hand “shall” can be a stentorian direction to carry out a binding duty: “You shall do the dishes, young lady and you shall do them NOW”.

Lawyers like the latter, and spray it around like they're standing behind a Gatling gun. But here's the problem. Conjugation.

Airily floated future aspiration	Stentorian command
I shall You will He she or it will We shall You will They will	I will You shall He she or it shall We will You shall They shall

If, in other words, you’re going to be a dick about it,