Sweets
From the Archives of the Old Normal dept.
 
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The obscure tropical fruit, digestives, Ferrero Rocher, peanut brittle, unidentifiable gelatinous fruit, dates and dry, tasteless Asian delicacies that colleagues bring back from business trips and vacations, by way of guilt-alleviation, to appease their moribund desk-bound workmates, or perhaps just to show off.
Since we don’t get to see our workmates anymore, for fear of breathing on them, it seems we must consign this as yet another artefact of our unlamented,recently bygone era.
However (literally) tasteless, these treats lure a man, like sirens did Odysseus, as he makes his way from his desk to the printer. (The man that is, obviously, not Odysseus, though the idea of Odysseus struggling to get to the printer, lashing himself to the mast of his boat as he floats by the five-week-old dregs of a box of authentic Anatolian Turkish delight, is appealing). In any case remorse, regret and guilt is assured: I don’t know how many squid-coated dried green peas I’ve had, but it’s a lot, and I have not enjoyed a single one of them.
Thus, there is a priority to these votive offerings. Cambodian crystallised chili tamarind will linger on the counter untouched for weeks — longer even than the squid-coated peas— while the vegan-friendly 'Peppa Pig sweets — which didn’t even come from the Tenerife Airport Duty-Free but from freaking Marks & Sparks in Moorgate — will be gone in a flash.
And it is a curious truth that however many bags of sea-weed flavoured lychees make their way back from the gift counter at Narita international, no-one ever brings salted fish back from holiday in Portugal, or mince, or celery.
Then again, there’s plenty of that stuff lying around the legal department anyway.