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The burden of proof, so the philosophers say, is on {{sex|she}} who makes the existential claim. If, as so many [[Mediocre lawyer|lawyers]] do, you distrust epistemology | The burden of proof, so the philosophers say, is on {{sex|she}} who makes the existential claim. If, as so many [[Mediocre lawyer|lawyers]] do, you distrust epistemology — indeed, if you simply find silence uncomfortable — you can always slip in a [[disclaimer]]. | ||
Nothing gladdens an | Nothing gladdens an [[Mediocre lawyer|attorney]]’s heart more than one of these. Where a client will see that page of tightly margined eight-point font at the back of his [[PowerPoint]] as a mere texture, his counsel will see a power, beauty, and precision impossible to articulate to the laity. A [[Ultimate disclaimer|good disclaimer]] cantilevers itself off the page and into three-dimensions, arcing gracefully into imagined geometries of space-time, disclaiming even itself in the process of bootstrapping itself into nothingness. | ||
It gets to the heart of the contemporary legal disposition. Understanding its pathology is to slip the deadbolt on the door to your counsel’s mind. <ref>The door does not revolve, though: once you cross that threshold there is no way back. It is one of the many [[Schwarzschild radii]] of the law</ref> | It gets to the heart of the contemporary legal disposition. Understanding its pathology is to slip the deadbolt on the door to your counsel’s mind. <ref>The door does not revolve, though: once you cross that threshold there is no way back. It is one of the many [[Schwarzschild radii]] of the law</ref> | ||
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To disclaim is to say, definitively and for the record, what you are ''not'' saying. | To disclaim is to say, definitively and for the record, what you are ''not'' saying. | ||
===Nosferatu, or the unsaid=== | ===Nosferatu, or the unsaid=== | ||
Lawyers have a primal fear of the unsaid. They see it as not a dark, formless void but an uncharted ocean stretching to a distant horizon, teeming with whirlpools, leviathans, madmen and [[little old ladies]]; a brain-addling | Lawyers have a primal fear of the unsaid. They see it as not a dark, formless void but an uncharted black ocean stretching to a distant horizon, teeming with whirlpools, leviathans, madmen and [[little old ladies]]; a brain-addling cosmos of unfathomable dimension: brimming with implied covenants, constructive knowledge, unarticulated warranties, unspoken waivers; riven with ineffable courses of prior dealing, [[deemed]] joint ventures, fiduciary duties; shot through with open-ended equitable indemnities<ref>NB: I made this up for satirical purposes</ref> for any kind of stupidity in which your counterparty might, while carrying out its end of your bargain, indulge. | ||
Any of these forensic succubi may spark and crackle afire without warning should your [[incantation|magic incantations]] not ward them off. Just as vampire hunters have their amulets, wooden stakes, potions of garlic and vials of holy water, we lawyers have our disclaimers: they are our shield and sword, effective against all this terrifying void of nothingness. The safest way, so the thinking goes, to ensure something is ''not'' on the record is, fairly and squarely, to put it there, in terms as unequivocal, comprehensive and impenetrable you can make them. | Any of these forensic succubi may spark and crackle afire without warning should your [[incantation|magic incantations]] not ward them off. Just as vampire hunters have their amulets, wooden stakes, potions of garlic and vials of holy water, we lawyers have our disclaimers: they are our shield and sword, effective against all this terrifying void of nothingness. The safest way, so the thinking goes, to ensure something is ''not'' on the record is, fairly and squarely, to put it there, in terms as unequivocal, comprehensive and impenetrable you can make them. | ||