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*The secondary epidemic of ''dissentry'' because neurotic stockpilers in north London have cleaned the entire southeast out of lavatory paper and soap? | *The secondary epidemic of ''dissentry'' because neurotic stockpilers in north London have cleaned the entire southeast out of lavatory paper and soap? | ||
*The unexpected collapse of Reckitt Benckiser, manufacturer of Lemsip, Nurofen and Strepsils, Durex and K-Y jelly, because people are washing their hands all the time, wearing gas-masks and hazchem suits to work and therefore just not catching colds anymore and ''definitely'' not shagging. | *The unexpected collapse of Reckitt Benckiser, manufacturer of Lemsip, Nurofen and Strepsils, Durex and K-Y jelly, because people are washing their hands all the time, wearing gas-masks and hazchem suits to work and therefore just not catching colds anymore and ''definitely'' not shagging. | ||
*The sudden bankruptcy of the nation’s entire Italian restaurant sector, and consequent disruption to dependent industries, because | *The sudden bankruptcy of the nation’s entire Italian restaurant sector, and consequent disruption to dependent industries, because: | ||
: | :*they’re ''Italian'' and omg [[coronavirus]]!!! | ||
: | :*the kitchen staff all insist on working from home ([[and/or]] went home for the weekend and are now quarantined in Genoa); and | ||
: | :*they can’t get hold of any linguini because the neurotic stockpilers in north London have cleaned the entire southeast out of pasta; | ||
*Homicidal fights breaking out at the firm’s [[business continuity management]] site in Aldershot, which has just nine parking spaces (all occupied by premises management staff), one diminutive kebab joint within six miles (which is in imminent risk of shut down owing to non-COVID19 food standards breaches), it not having occurred to anyone that in an actual disaster, four thousand people would turn up in 4X4s and all want lunch at once. | *Homicidal fights breaking out at the firm’s [[business continuity management]] site in Aldershot, which has just nine parking spaces (all occupied by premises management staff), one diminutive kebab joint within six miles (which is in imminent risk of shut down owing to non-COVID19 food standards breaches), it not having occurred to anyone that in an actual disaster, four thousand people would turn up in 4X4s and all want lunch at once. | ||
*Homicidal fights breaking out | *Homicidal fights breaking out: | ||
:*in the gents lavatories between threatened employees misconstruing each others intentions when singing happy birthday at the hand basins | :*in the gents lavatories between threatened employees misconstruing each others intentions when singing happy birthday at the hand basins | ||
:*between members of neighbourhood support WhatsApp groups who didn’t realise, until now, how profound was the enmity between them | :*between members of [[virtue-signalling]] neighbourhood support WhatsApp groups who didn’t realise, until now, how profound was the enmity between them | ||
*Marital discord from spouses “on business trips” being quarantined in Venetian knocking shops, and access to justice issues for said knocking shop-quarantined spouses who cannot find any family law experts to represent them in their divorce hearings. | *Marital discord from spouses “on business trips” being quarantined in Venetian knocking shops, and access to justice issues for said knocking shop-quarantined spouses who cannot find any family law experts to represent them in their divorce hearings. | ||
Is there a coronavirus emoji yet? Why, yes there is. Well done, [https://picsart.com/u/venlaava user:Rviverdale2]. | Is there a [[coronavirus]] emoji yet? Why, yes there is. Well done, [https://picsart.com/u/venlaava user:Rviverdale2]. | ||
{{sa}} | {{sa}} | ||
*[[Chicken licken]] | *[[Chicken licken]] | ||