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|'''Title''' | |'''Title''' | ||
|'''What it means''' | |'''What it means''' | ||
|- | |||
|''Web developer '' | |||
|Invented the Internet. | |||
|- | |- | ||
|''[[Thought leader]]'' | |''[[Thought leader]]'' | ||
|Twat. | |Twat. | ||
|- | |- | ||
|''Digital prophet'' | |||
|[[Thought leader]]. | |||
|- | |||
|''Keynote speaker'' | |||
|[[Thought leader]]. | |||
|- | |||
|''Lateral Thinker'' | |''Lateral Thinker'' | ||
|Unable to follow a sustained argument or complex syllogism. Prone to random outbursts. | |Unable to follow a sustained argument or complex syllogism. Prone to random outbursts. | ||
|- | |- | ||
|'' | |''Futurist'' | ||
| | |Dullard and liar (unless literally a medium or clairvoyant in which case this is market standard puffery) | ||
|- | |- | ||
|'' | |''[[Intrapreneur]]'' | ||
|Shortly to be embarking on a new career as an executive coach but hasn’t realised it yet. | |||
| | |||
|- | |- | ||
|''[[Entrepreneur]]'' | |''[[Entrepreneur]]'' | ||
| Line 35: | Line 38: | ||
|Recently made redundant from an [[operations]] role. Now contracting. | |Recently made redundant from an [[operations]] role. Now contracting. | ||
|- | |- | ||
|''Executive coach '' | |''Executive coach '' | ||
|Recently made redundant from an [[operations]] role. Unable to find contracting work. | |Recently made redundant from an [[operations]] role. Unable to find contracting work. | ||
|- | |- | ||
|''Goals-driven executive with proven track record of success in programme/project management'' | |''Goals-driven executive with proven track record of success in programme/project management'' | ||
|Fish-food aspirant. Probably in the digestive system of a carp somewhere. It is all for the best. It was a mercy killing. | |Fish-food aspirant. Probably in the digestive system of a carp somewhere. It is all for the best. It was a mercy killing. | ||
|- | |||
|''Privileged to be leading customer-focussed teams in an exciting network-centric IT services market'' | |||
|Dead-set ''zero'' idea what this is even supposed to mean, but sounds disingenuous and obviously a twat. | |||
|- | |- | ||
|''Seeking new opportunities in ...'' | |''Seeking new opportunities in ...'' | ||
|Possessed of | |Possessed of charming candour but no common sense at all. ''Never'' admit you are out of work. | ||
|- | |- | ||
|''Experienced [[financial services professional]]'' | |''Experienced [[financial services professional]]'' | ||
| Line 58: | Line 55: | ||
|''Board-level legal advisor'' | |''Board-level legal advisor'' | ||
|Recently laid off from a [[law firm]] after a long and defiant career in [[knowledge management]]. Still in denial about employment prospects but coming round to signing up for Axiom. | |Recently laid off from a [[law firm]] after a long and defiant career in [[knowledge management]]. Still in denial about employment prospects but coming round to signing up for Axiom. | ||
|- | |||
|''[[Derivatives]] [[onboarding]] [[specialist]]'' | |||
|School leaver from Gdansk, seeking fortune in Krakow. | |||
|- | |- | ||
|''Social media advisor'' | |''Social media advisor'' | ||
|(1) obsessed with twitter / instagram to the point of believing it a bona-fide commercial utility. <br>(2) (Ergo) | |(1) obsessed with twitter/instagram to the point of believing it a bona-fide commercial utility. <br>(2) (Ergo) Twat. | ||
|- | |- | ||
|'' Best-selling author of... '' | |'' Best-selling author of... '' | ||
|Greetings dear kind sir/madam I self publish my book i sincerely pray it will change your | |Greetings dear kind sir/madam I self publish my book i sincerely pray it will change your ''[I mean '''my''']'' life. ''[It won’t. (Either of them).]'' Please review it on Amazon. I salute you thanks you!!! (''[[sic]]'') | ||
|- | |- | ||
|''Director of [[talent acquisition]]'' | |''Director of [[talent acquisition]]'' | ||
| Line 69: | Line 69: | ||
|- | |- | ||
|''Director of [[diversity and inclusion]]'' | |''Director of [[diversity and inclusion]]'' | ||
|In [[personnel]]. | |In [[personnel]]. Cosmopolitan-looking. Adept at [[virtue-signalling]] and posting shameless canonical corporate speak on [[LinkedIn]]. | ||
|- | |- | ||
|''Global Head of Client Experience, [[HR]] Business [[Partner]]ing & Leadership, Learning, [[Talent]] and [[Culture]], [[COO]]'' | |''Global Head of Client Experience, [[HR]] Business [[Partner]]ing & Leadership, Learning, [[Talent]] and [[Culture]], [[COO]]'' | ||
|In [[personnel]]. ''See also'' | |In [[personnel]]. ''See also'' “[[Thought leader]]”. ''And'' “[[COO]]”, ''for that matter''. | ||
|- | |- | ||
|''Digital Thought and Program Leader running large [[end-to-end]] digital programs across multiple geographies.'' | |''Digital Thought and Program Leader running large [[end-to-end]] digital programs across multiple geographies.'' | ||
|Got laid off from a service-line role in [[operations]] at Fuji Bank. Now [[Founder and CEO]] of a [[Tech start-up]]. | |Got laid off from a [[Service line|service-line]] role in [[operations]] at Fuji Bank. Now [[Founder and CEO]] of a [[Tech start-up]]. | ||
|- | |- | ||
|''Experienced senior operations director with proven project management track record'' | |''Experienced senior operations director with proven project management track record'' | ||
|Yet, here you are, “interested to hear of any opportunities in project management. Will even consider contracting.” | |Yet, here you are, “interested to hear of any opportunities in project management. Will even consider contracting.” | ||
{{tablebottom}} | {{tablebottom}} | ||