Billy Hanks
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The Adventures of Opco Boone, Legal Ace™
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Billy Hanks was a lower east-side scumbag synthetic alpha dealer in the swinging naughties.
He cut his product it with all kinds of low-life scrapings to boost its yield. This was not your non-usual coke-lite levered beta: Billy dropped in all kinds of Front-runners, insider intel, short squeezes, corner action. Billy’s medicine could bang you up bad: just a tipoff is all it took. The high lasted a week but the downer was a killer.
Billy copped to a market manipulation rap in 2010 and the cops shut him down. He went way for a stretch but what do you know, hallelujah he found God and got time off for good behaviour. He got right back in the game.
But twist: our Billy-Boy’s a clean skin now. The CFTC goons tailed him for four solid years. Parked up in a dented Chevy outside his family office and quaffed donuts to no avail. Billy kept it clean. He did not indulge.
The disbelieving goons tried to work him over. He says “how can I? I don’t deal no more.”
Goons ain’t buyin’ this. “Son, you’re generating 200 large a week. What d’you need all that for?” He looked at me. “need ? Need? I deduce that you ain’t met my missus. She’s exhausting, Officer Dibble.”
“Is for my own use. What can I say? My missus has expensive taste. Her daughter is even worse. She’s a bad influence.
And you bought that?
“There’s a beaucoup paper trail. I’ve got what I need.” The Dick grinned thinly. “Due dilly, you know.”
Boone snatched his lapels and pulled him close. He growled, “I expect it of Wang. I expect better of you.”
The Dick shrugged. He checks out legit. he’s largely clean and generating good alpha.
Boone dropped the dick and said, “you poor naïf”. He left the door swinging.
The Dick was curled up in a ball, but he fanned his billfold and said, “I don’t think I’m the naif, Opco Boone.”