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{{a|devil|}}Once upon a time, there was discord in the kingdom of the squirrels. The red squirrels | {{a|devil|}}Once upon a time, there was discord in the kingdom of the squirrels. The red squirrels rose up and complained to the statistician-general. <br> | ||
They said, “O, Great Statistician! The grey squirrels have more nuts than us! ” | |||
The greys couldn’t be reached for comment, because they were too busy munching on all their nuts. | The greys couldn’t be reached for comment, because they were too busy munching on all their nuts. | ||
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The statistician mumbled something about multivariate regressions but the reds would not be deterred. Their spokesquirrel continued: | The statistician mumbled something about multivariate regressions but the reds would not be deterred. Their spokesquirrel continued: | ||
:“Look: on average, grey squirrels have more nuts than red squirrels. This cannot be denied. Is it not so?” | :“Look: on average, grey squirrels have more nuts than red squirrels. This cannot be denied. Is it not so?” | ||
:“It is so,” said the Statistician. “The data are very clear about this.” | :“It is so,” said the Statistician. “The data are very clear about this. Grey squirrels have twenty percent more nuts, on [[average]], than reds.” | ||
:“''Exactly''. This | :“''Exactly''. This is unjust! It is due to illegitimate hierarchical structures in the squirrel community, which unfairly skew nut distributions towards those great big fat, greasy grey squirrels.” | ||
:“Hey!” said a passing grey squirrel. “Enough of the fat-shaming. And the trash-talking about grease, for that matter.” | :“Hey!” said a passing grey squirrel. “Enough of the fat-shaming. And the trash-talking about grease, for that matter.” | ||
:“Therefore,” continued the Red Leader, “as we red squirrels are systematically repressed, it follows as a matter of inexorable logic, that ''this'' red squirrel, Errol, | :“Therefore,” continued the Red Leader, “as we red squirrels are systematically repressed, it follows as a matter of inexorable logic, that ''this'' red squirrel, Errol, must have been deprived by — how much did you say?” | ||
:“I | :“Twenty percent?” | ||
:“ ... and ''this'' grey squirrel, Frank, has too many.” | :Yes! Twenty percent! So Errol should have 20% ''more'' nuts than he currently has...” | ||
:“I should?” said Errol. | |||
:“Don’t let the side down!” hissed Red Leader. “I’m trying to get you more nuts!” | |||
:“Oh, yes! I should!” said Errol. | |||
:“ ... and ''this'' grey squirrel, Frank, has too many, and should have twenty percent fewer.” | |||
:“What?” said Frank, crinkled his brow, but got on with munching. | :“What?” said Frank, crinkled his brow, but got on with munching. | ||
: | :“Therefore, O, Great Statistician, we propose that henceforth we systematically deprive Errol, and grey squirrels like him, of nuts, and give them to Frank, and similar red squirrels, to correct the imbalance.” | ||
The Great Statistician thought about it for a while, and then said | |||