Legal eagle
A well-meant but nonetheless derogatory form of address used by junior people in the front office when addressing the legal department, in the sincere but mistaken belief it will ward off, and not compound, the acute resentment the legal department has for them.
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For example:
- “Hi Legal Eagles!!
- Can you turn around this tsht for me by COB?
- Thx”
Ghastly, isn’t it? Extra galling when uttered by a newly-migrated structurer who, a few short days ago, worked, felt dawn, saw sunset glow, loved and was himself a beloved member of the legal team.
The legal eagle is actually a bird, genus lingebant ulcera pullum. It is flightless and lays nice nest-eggs.
One trained in the law, genus causidicus mediocris, whose principle fear is being blind-sided by the very language — English — in which she must ply her trade. Such individuals are uniquely susceptible to Schwarzschild radii. When you press her why she must so persistently desecrate her calling, she will tell you this:
“My drafting may be convoluted, but it is effective: It must be, for we haven’t had any litigation on it.”
If you have the patience, this is the time to wheel out your pre-prepared joke:
The standard issue drafting joke
“Did you know”, you say, “that, for a disguise, elephants paint the soles of their feet yellow, and hide upside-down in custard?”
“Why, that’s preposterous!”
“Aha! but have you ever seen an elephant hiding upside-down in custard?”
“No, of course not!”
“SHOWS WHAT A GOOD DISGUISE IT IS.”
Walk proudly away. Your work is done. Of course it won’t make a blind bit of difference, but you may feel better.
All lawyers are philosophers; good lawyers are just bad ones. Bad lawyers are worse. They have nothing on philosophers, though, who are terrible lawyers. The pits.