The Adventures of Ford Fairlane, Rock ’n’ Roll Detective

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There are two schools of thought about The Adventures of Ford Fairlane, Rock ’n’ Roll Detective. The JC thinks it is an eighties classic with much to say about the vacuity of modern life and the utmost importance of childish humour, innuendo, double entendres and — well — snapperheads.

The rest of the known universe, give or take the odd — well, snapperhead — thinks it is one of the worst, most forgettable film of all time. It won a slew of Golden Raspberries, which makes you wonder about the bona fides of Hollywood’s cultural elite who could vote such a thing. All we can do is invoke the Diceman’s special rendition of the pragmatist’s prayer: “So many assholes ... so few bullets”. And it co-stars Ed O’Neill.

Any film as quotable as this one (The Koala bear! Robin Leach! The Girl Guides! Bootie Time!) has to be worth saving, putting into the Smithsonian, and enclosing on a 24-carat gold VHS cassette on the next Voyager mission to the Planet Mongo.

Also, a good metaphor for cash.

Girl Guides: Ford! Ford! We just needed to be held!

Ford Fairlane Rock ’n’ Roll Detective: Well, you got the bonus plan. Ohhhhhhhh.

So, here’s to you, Ford ...

See also

• Cash
• Pragmatist’s prayer