Off-piste: Difference between revisions

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{{a|metaphor|
{{a|metaphor|{{Image|Crud|jpg|Heaven, but with not a blessèd soul, in sight.}} }}The [[JC]] loves skiing. Say what you like about his privileged, stale, pale, male, out-of-touch ass. He has mixed feelings about the “off-piste” metaphor.
[[File:Crud.jpg|450px|thumb|center|Heaven, with not a blessèd soul in sight.]]
}}The [[JC]] loves skiing. Say what you like about his privileged, stale, pale, male, out-of-touch ass. I have mixed feelings about the “off-piste” metaphor.


In skiing it means to ski away from commercial ski-fields — typically, like ''miles'' away from them, and lifts, cafes and so on; ski-touring, with skins, avalanche gear, a rucksack and a day’s worth of food, spending more time walking up than skiing down. This is awesome, of course, but but more narrowly, being “off-piste” means skiing ''on'' commercial skifields, using normal lifts, cafes and what not, but just keeping off from the groomed, marked-out runs. But for every acre of groomed snow, there are three that aren’t
Literally, when skiing, it means to ski away from commercial ski-fields — typically, ''miles'' away from them and their lifts, cafés and so on ski-touring, with skins, avalanche gear, a rucksack and a day’s worth of food, spending more time walking up than skiing down. This is fabulous, of course, but it’s quite a mission, and it has its dangers. The [[JC]] knows good men who went out ski-touring and never came back.


For dilettantes like the [[JC]] skiing “off the side of the piste” is less dangerous and a whole lot less of a hassle back-country ski-touring, however fabulous that is in concept. Still, it requires enough technique to deal with powder, crud, moguls, avoid trees and whatnot. This is technique that 90% of skiers don’t have, and as a result, they stick to the pistes. But one of the worst things about skiing is people getting in your way. It sucks. And it’s dangerous.
More narrowly, being “off-piste” means skiing ''on'' commercial ski-fields, using normal lifts, but just keeping off the groomed runs, skiing in between them. For dilettantes like the [[JC]], it is a lot less dangerous and a whole lot less of a hassle than back-country ski-touring, and it is ''so'' much better than skiing on the pistes. For every acre of lovingly-gardened snow for ''les gens'' to swish down on their way to that midmorning ''genepis'', three are at least ''three'' are ''au naturale''. They’ll feature trees, ditches, rocks, skanky, crusty snow and, on a good day, plenty of unspoiled powder.  


Okay, some maths. If one quarter of the skiable area of a given ski-field is pisted and there is three times as much unpisted skiing, and if 90% of skiers are on a piste at any time — I have no data but I reckon both these are conservative — then by my feeble calculation there are 27 times as many skiers per hundred yards ''on'' the piste as there are ''off'' it. That in itself is enough reason to learn how to ski crud. Plus pistes get rucked up, mogulled and tend to be more icy when everyone has been drilling them all day.
To be sure, skiing off-piste is no cakewalk: you have to have your wits about you. You have to have a decent game. You have to ''work'' it. You need enough technique to deal with powder, crud, moguls, avoid trees and whatnot. This is technique that 90% of skiers don’t have, so they stick to the pistes. But one of the worst things about skiing is people getting in your way. It sucks. And it’s dangerous.


Pistes: not particularly challenging, until you hit flat ice or some useless lump hits ''you'', whereupon it becomes terrifying. There are a ton of people taking the best lines — and often not taking them, but traversing shittily across them, meaning ''you'' can’t take the best line either.
So, some maths: if only a quarter of the skiable area is pisted then there is ''three times'' as much unpisted skiing on a given hill. If 90% of skiers are on a piste at any time — I have no data but I reckon both these are conservative — then by my feeble calculation there are ''twenty-seven times'' as many skiers per hundred square yards ''on'' the piste as there are ''off'' it. That is reason enough to learn to ski crud. Plus, pistes tend to be icy in the mornings and get rucked up, mogulled, sludgy ''and'' icy when everyone has been drilling them all day.
 
So, pistes: not particularly challenging, until you hit flat ice or some useless lump hits ''you'', whereupon they become hideous. There are a ton of people taking the best lines — and usually ''not'' taking them, but traversing shittily ''across'' them, meaning ''you'' can’t take them. Bogus.


Being in business is a bit like skiing. Sticking to the piste is like chasing the same margin and the same business everyone else is chasing. It’s like, dude, look to the side. There’s plenty of good stuff there, if you only engage with it, and you’ll get a lot more out of it if you do.
Being in business is a bit like skiing. Sticking to the piste is like chasing the same margin and the same business everyone else is chasing. It’s like, dude, look to the side. There’s plenty of good stuff there, if you only engage with it, and you’ll get a lot more out of it if you do.
{{sa}}
*[[North London ski training]]
{{nlp|5/2/2021}}

Latest revision as of 08:33, 12 July 2024

The JC gets all figurative

Heaven, but with not a blessèd soul, in sight.
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The JC loves skiing. Say what you like about his privileged, stale, pale, male, out-of-touch ass. He has mixed feelings about the “off-piste” metaphor.

Literally, when skiing, it means to ski away from commercial ski-fields — typically, miles away from them and their lifts, cafés and so on — ski-touring, with skins, avalanche gear, a rucksack and a day’s worth of food, spending more time walking up than skiing down. This is fabulous, of course, but it’s quite a mission, and it has its dangers. The JC knows good men who went out ski-touring and never came back.

More narrowly, being “off-piste” means skiing on commercial ski-fields, using normal lifts, but just keeping off the groomed runs, skiing in between them. For dilettantes like the JC, it is a lot less dangerous and a whole lot less of a hassle than back-country ski-touring, and it is so much better than skiing on the pistes. For every acre of lovingly-gardened snow for les gens to swish down on their way to that midmorning genepis, three are at least three are au naturale. They’ll feature trees, ditches, rocks, skanky, crusty snow and, on a good day, plenty of unspoiled powder.

To be sure, skiing off-piste is no cakewalk: you have to have your wits about you. You have to have a decent game. You have to work it. You need enough technique to deal with powder, crud, moguls, avoid trees and whatnot. This is technique that 90% of skiers don’t have, so they stick to the pistes. But one of the worst things about skiing is people getting in your way. It sucks. And it’s dangerous.

So, some maths: if only a quarter of the skiable area is pisted then there is three times as much unpisted skiing on a given hill. If 90% of skiers are on a piste at any time — I have no data but I reckon both these are conservative — then by my feeble calculation there are twenty-seven times as many skiers per hundred square yards on the piste as there are off it. That is reason enough to learn to ski crud. Plus, pistes tend to be icy in the mornings and get rucked up, mogulled, sludgy and icy when everyone has been drilling them all day.

So, pistes: not particularly challenging, until you hit flat ice or some useless lump hits you, whereupon they become hideous. There are a ton of people taking the best lines — and usually not taking them, but traversing shittily across them, meaning you can’t take them. Bogus.

Being in business is a bit like skiing. Sticking to the piste is like chasing the same margin and the same business everyone else is chasing. It’s like, dude, look to the side. There’s plenty of good stuff there, if you only engage with it, and you’ll get a lot more out of it if you do.

See also