The Taxonomy of Doom: An Opco Boone Adventure: Difference between revisions
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<div style="text-indent: 20px;">When [[Opco Boone|Opco]], Algy and George filed into the ''Defence Against Indemnities'' classroom | <div style="text-indent: 20px;">When [[Opco Boone|Opco]], Algy and George filed into the ''Defence Against Indemnities'' classroom, [[Columbia Cavalier|Professor Cavalier]], was nowhere to be seen. Instead, a stout middle-aged management consultant sat at her desk, peering intently through a monocle at a clockwork contraption installed upon it. The machine was labelled “RISK TAXONOMISER”. The badge on her lapel announced her as [[Imelda Skanks]], [[Master of Business Administration|M.B.A.]]. | ||
As the class settled in she gleefully twiddled the dials on the machine’s fascia. | |||
“Good Morning, Class!” she beamed. I am | “Good Morning, Class!” she beamed. I am Imelda Skanks. I shall be taking ''Defence Against Indemnities'' for the rest of term. Any questions? | ||
The room fell into an uncomfortable, stony silence. | |||
Eventually, a hand went up at the back It was Neville Toadstool. | |||
“Yes, Mr. Toadstool?” | |||
Neville was momentarily taken aback that she should already know his name. Mrs. Skanks was correspondingly pleased about it. | |||
“Er, Ma’am, where is Professor Cavalier?” | |||
Skanks cleared her throat and addressed the back of the room. “Professor Cavalier has been reassigned.” | |||
“''Reassigned''?” blurted Algy. “But Madhouse has been teaching Defensive Indemnification for thirty-five years! She’s the best in the business!” | |||
Skanks pursed her lips. “A little ''too'' long, it seems, class. Her teaching style has been found to be out-dated. It no longer accords with industry [[best practice]].” | |||
“What are you talking about? Her methods are the ''foundation'' for industry best practice!” said Boone, curtly. “Columbina Cavalier single-handedly defeated a nest of tranched CDOs at [[Bretton Woods]] with one limited recourse trigger and misfiring [[Ipso facto clause|ipso facto]] clause. Her balance sheet was barely dented. She’s a certified ''legend''.’ | |||
“Her methods,” intoned Skanks levelly, “have been deemed unsound.” | |||
“But —” | |||
“There will be no buts in my class, Mr. Boone. No buts.” | |||
The whole class murmured gloomily in response — all, that is, but [[Ramsay Punchface]]. | The whole class murmured gloomily in response — all, that is, but [[Ramsay Punchface]]. | ||
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“Well, let me show you, Ramsay.” | “Well, let me show you, Ramsay.” | ||
Professor | Professor Skanks manipulated the knobs. As she did so, the children could see drive-shafts turning interlocking gears, which drove connected flywheels, which spun tiny fan-belts, which rotated brass ratchets, which triggered a row of winking diodes and a bell that softly pinged. Her eyes betrayed an impish delight at the cleverness of the design: the elegance of the interactions; the intricacy of the machinery. | ||
George looked at Boone. Boone shrugged. Algy had started cutting up his India rubber<ref>In contravention of Skool Rule 66(c) para 3: See {{Br|How To Be Topp}}, G. Willans & R. Searle, 1954</ref> in preparation for a barrage against the little swot in the front row, so paid no attention. | George looked at Boone. Boone shrugged. Algy had started cutting up his India rubber<ref>In contravention of Skool Rule 66(c) para 3: See {{Br|How To Be Topp}}, G. Willans & R. Searle, 1954</ref> in preparation for a barrage against the little swot in the front row, so paid no attention. | ||
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Algy catapulted a small nugget of rubber which caught Punchface upside the head. Punchface squawked. | Algy catapulted a small nugget of rubber which caught Punchface upside the head. Punchface squawked. | ||
Professor | Professor Skanks retrieved the punch tape and regarded the output, her eyes aglow. | ||
“Good news! Ambient risk is contained! We are at overall risk level 2.6, which is within acceptable bounds, and can be rendered green on the [[Steerco]] [[RAG indicator|RAG Indicator]]. But, look!” she waved the card and tutted. “Well, that won’t do, will it?” | “Good news! Ambient risk is contained! We are at overall risk level 2.6, which is within acceptable bounds, and can be rendered green on the [[Steerco]] [[RAG indicator|RAG Indicator]]. But, look!” she waved the card and tutted. “Well, that won’t do, will it?” | ||
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Algy rubbed his shin and glared at her. “Ah, a side letter, Miss?” | Algy rubbed his shin and glared at her. “Ah, a side letter, Miss?” | ||
Professor | Professor Skanks paused, and sighed, and patiently said, “No, Bailey, side letters are not best pra —” | ||
“[[Disclaimer|DISCLAIMERS]]?” blurted Algy. | “[[Disclaimer|DISCLAIMERS]]?” blurted Algy. | ||
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Ramsay Punchface could bear it no longer. “[[Key performance indicator|KEY PERFORMANCE INDICATOR]]S MISS!!!” | Ramsay Punchface could bear it no longer. “[[Key performance indicator|KEY PERFORMANCE INDICATOR]]S MISS!!!” | ||
The room went quiet. Professor | The room went quiet. Professor Skanks sparkled with delight. She wheeled on the spot and regarded unctuous little Punchface, licking his lips from the front row. “Ex''actly'', Ramsay! [[Key performance indicator]]! | ||