Gin horizon

The Schwarzschild radius of alcohol consumption, to give it its full name, is the radius of a sphere such that the gravitational force of ones judgment to get up, brush oneself off and go home, is finally and irreversibly outweighed by the nuclear forces of inebriation, meaning it is certain that you will either collapse into a black hole of despair by morning. Your only hope — and it isn’t a very edifying one — is to be ejected into a parallel dimension as an incandescent spume of cosmic gas.

The Schwarzschild radius is also the point at which gravitational forces are so strong that no coherent message can escape to the outside world. Memories will be suspended for all eternity from this time.

The radius differs between individuals and by reference to the alcohol in question. Pure champagne is very, very bad. The threshold comes quickly, can be crossed without visible warning, and sufferers often only realize hours later during the course of a heated argument about ,