Microsoft PowerPoint: Difference between revisions
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[[File:Gear diagram.png|450px|thumb|center|A fatuous substitute for proper critical thought, yesterday]] | [[File:Gear diagram.png|450px|thumb|center|A fatuous substitute for proper critical thought, yesterday]] | ||
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No novel , no play, no acerbic letter — no creative thought of any substance in history— ever first put its squealing voice in the cupped ear of the world only thanks to a [[RAG status report]], a [[Gantt chart]], a cycle matrix<ref>“Use to show the relationship to a central idea in a cyclical progression. ”</ref>, a diverging radial<ref>“Use to show relationships to a central idea in a cycle. ”</ref> or any of the other infuriating ministrations of [[Microsoft PowerPoint]]. | |||
It is the market-standard software package for dressing up fatuous ideas with profundity; as such it appeals to fools, blaggers and dilettantes. In the grand scheme of western commerce, that makes it a very, very important application indeed. For some — notably [[change managers]] and [[management consultants]] it appears to be their sole means of communication with each other and the outside world. Adeptness at [[PowerPoint]], the willingness to tinker around to get snappy [[slide]] transitions and the like, is a core skill of an aspiring [[middle manager]] (and a quick way to pick up the fundamental syntax of this new idiom). | |||
One uses PowerPoint to generate “[[deck]]s” — animated presentations of “content”, arranged on “[[slide]]s” — which promise much and deliver nothing to powerless subordinates and guileless superiors. The idea is to overawe or baffle an audience into believing you have something useful to add to the organisation. | |||
[[PowerPoint]] can create pervasive collective delusions: in the hands of a gifted [[middle manager]], [[PowerPoint]] can turn base metal into fool’s gold. | [[PowerPoint]] can create pervasive collective delusions: in the hands of a gifted [[middle manager]], [[PowerPoint]] can turn base metal into fool’s gold. | ||
PowerPoint’s linguistic foundation comprises not just the traditional Roman alphabet but a supplemental lexicon of wingdings, pull-outs, bullets and animated transitions through which one can communicate in ways previously alien to the Indo-European tradition. | PowerPoint’s linguistic foundation comprises not just the traditional Roman alphabet but a supplemental lexicon of wingdings, pull-outs, bullets and animated transitions — gear charts, diverging radials and cycle matrices — through which one can communicate in ways previously alien to the Indo-European tradition. That a linguistic tradition dating back to the birth of Vedic Sanskrit has not, until now, found any use for the vertical chevron list<ref>’Use to show a progression or sequential steps in a task, process, or workflow, or to emphasize movement or direction. </ref> or the circular bending process<ref>“Use to show a long or non-linear sequence or steps in a task, process, or workflow.”</ref> ought to tell you something about the world we live in. Still, this makes [[management speak]] a sort of base sixteen to ordinary English’s decimal; an illegitimate off-spring of our historical linguistic traditions and perhaps the first genuinely new dialect to emerge since {{tag|Latin}} five thousand years ago. | ||
[[File:Omar.jpg|300px|thumb|left|Talk to my [[slide]], Yo]] | [[File:Omar.jpg|300px|thumb|left|Talk to my [[slide]], Yo]] | ||
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Revision as of 09:28, 3 April 2020
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No novel , no play, no acerbic letter — no creative thought of any substance in history— ever first put its squealing voice in the cupped ear of the world only thanks to a RAG status report, a Gantt chart, a cycle matrix[1], a diverging radial[2] or any of the other infuriating ministrations of Microsoft PowerPoint.
It is the market-standard software package for dressing up fatuous ideas with profundity; as such it appeals to fools, blaggers and dilettantes. In the grand scheme of western commerce, that makes it a very, very important application indeed. For some — notably change managers and management consultants it appears to be their sole means of communication with each other and the outside world. Adeptness at PowerPoint, the willingness to tinker around to get snappy slide transitions and the like, is a core skill of an aspiring middle manager (and a quick way to pick up the fundamental syntax of this new idiom).
One uses PowerPoint to generate “decks” — animated presentations of “content”, arranged on “slides” — which promise much and deliver nothing to powerless subordinates and guileless superiors. The idea is to overawe or baffle an audience into believing you have something useful to add to the organisation.
PowerPoint can create pervasive collective delusions: in the hands of a gifted middle manager, PowerPoint can turn base metal into fool’s gold.
PowerPoint’s linguistic foundation comprises not just the traditional Roman alphabet but a supplemental lexicon of wingdings, pull-outs, bullets and animated transitions — gear charts, diverging radials and cycle matrices — through which one can communicate in ways previously alien to the Indo-European tradition. That a linguistic tradition dating back to the birth of Vedic Sanskrit has not, until now, found any use for the vertical chevron list[3] or the circular bending process[4] ought to tell you something about the world we live in. Still, this makes management speak a sort of base sixteen to ordinary English’s decimal; an illegitimate off-spring of our historical linguistic traditions and perhaps the first genuinely new dialect to emerge since Latin five thousand years ago.
See also
References
- ↑ “Use to show the relationship to a central idea in a cyclical progression. ”
- ↑ “Use to show relationships to a central idea in a cycle. ”
- ↑ ’Use to show a progression or sequential steps in a task, process, or workflow, or to emphasize movement or direction.
- ↑ “Use to show a long or non-linear sequence or steps in a task, process, or workflow.”