Moronic CGI inventions

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We introduce a new subcategory of LinkedIn snit: the CGI “engineering” invention designed to ameliorate the effects of an extremely remote contingency, with a complicated, and certain-to-fail-in-real-life mechanical contraption which nevertheless looks awesome and works flawlessly when rendered in on a computer, but — even without mechanical failure — would carry a great risk of injury, death or decapitation to those it is meant to protect should it ever be needed. Another design criteria is engineering much more complicated, elaborate and heavy, necessitating more construction and maintenance expense for a remote contingency than any of the engineering needed for the contraption’s primary purpose.

Earthquake bed

The “prepacked coffin” earthquake bed:

The thing about earthquakes is you don’t know when or where they are going to happen, or how serious they will be. If you did, the sensible design decision would be to not construct your house in that location at all — or, if you really knew when the earthquake was coming, to make sure you were were away on that day.

Unless you are are permanently bedridden, you will spend less than one-third of each day in your bed, so even those who do suffer a catastrophic earthquake on their house have no more than a 1-in-3 chance of being saved by this contraption, and that is if it doesn’t amputate any stray limbs when the gin trap is sprung.

Presuming you don't, therefore, the “earthquake bed” is rather like an exorbitantly expensive, failure-prone and murderous warranty for a toaster that is unlikely to break in the first place.

Detachable airplane cabin

The self-disassembling-when-already-malfunctioning-in-mid-air plane:

The breaching whale train

The pint-sized-train-appearing-from-the-bowels-of-the-earth-at-a-level-crossing: We can't stop watching this. It just gets stupider and stupider each time you see it.

Why would anyone engineer an underground train to spontaneously pop out of the ground at a level crossing?

What happens to the cars that are on the road when it splits in half? Do they just collapse into a chasm?

Who are these teeny little high speed trains meant to be for in the first place? Subterranean gnomes? Where are they going, and what’s the hurry? Why the need to terrorise Earthling pedestrians?

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