Cheeses of Nazareth

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To the tune to I’ve Been Everywhere

I was totin’ all my crackers on the red and dusty Leicester Road
When along came a cheeky chutney with a fine aged Gorgonzola load
“If you’re goin’ to Stinkin’ Bishop, Mack, high on my fumes you’ll ride”
That cab stank like some vermin had crawled up right there and died
He asked me would I like a port and stilton in my hand?
And I said, “Listen, man I’ve sampled every cheese in this here land:

I’ve been everywhere, man
I’ve been everywhere, man
Crossed the desserts bare, man
Savoured every pear, man
Of vacherin I’ve had my share, man
I’ve been everywhere:

I’ve had Acapella, ’meribella, Mozzarella, Formagella,
Giuncatella, Paesanella, Burratella, Fontanella
Aggiano, Cilentano, Zafferano, Castellano,
Gran’ Padano, Sogliano, Parmigiano Reggiano
Faggiano, Bolsanaro, Gran Belgrano, O! Milano
Murazzano, Ragusano, Bell’ Vitan’, Italiano,

[chorus]

There there’s Bufarolo, Montagnolo, Paniolo, Marco Polo,
Nocciolo, Romagnolo, Querciaiolo, Quartirolo,
Mersey Valley, Yarra Valley Leyden-down and Amsterdammer,
Appleby, Colby, Danby, Derby,
Ashley, Crowley, Stawley, Wellesley,
Baby Swiss, Baby Brie, Babybel and Barberey

[chorus]

I quite like Airedale, Bloomsdale, Wensleydale, Coverdale
Coquetdale, Blythedale, Evansdale, Lindale,
Avondale, Swaledale, Passendale, Redesdale
Bishopdale, Nitterdale, Patterdale and Borrowdale
Mandarino, Cinerino, Paglierino, Pecorino,
Nocciolino, Bufalino, Bastardino, all with vino—

[chorus]

Then there’s Ricotta, Caciotta, Casciotta, Formaggio di Grotta,
Filetta, Provoleta, e Stella Feta, at the Operetta,
Alpkäse, Bergkäse, Butterkäse, Bierkäse,
Rauchkäse, Kugelkäse, Schweizer Käse, Forsterkäse,
Provolone, Fragolone, Mascarpone, Pannerone,
all’Amarone, Squaquerone, anything con Maccaroni —

[chorus]

The blues of Buxton, Elberton, Grafton, Hubbardston,
Ragstone, Whitestone, Brimstone, Cotherstone,
Dorstone, Millstone, Charleston, Duck Isle Stone,
Beemster, Anster, Manchester, Bonchester,
Gloucester, Leicester, Munster, Winchester,
Worcester, I had Goatster with a hipster from Kidderminster —

[CHEESY GUITAR SOLO]]

I’ve been everywhere, man
I’ve been everywhere, man
Crossed the desserts bare, man
Savoured every pear, man
Of vacherin I’ve had my share, man
I’ve been everywhere.