Client alert
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People Anatomy™
A spotter’s guide to the men and women of finance. 
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We would like to know the critical path of the law firm client alert. We know that no-one actually reads them — surely no one reads more than one, right? — but yet they defy the tooth and claw of red nature, and not only survive, but flourish. We suppose there must be armies of trainees tethered to a monstrous wheel, cranking these things out night and day — EMIR refit news; Senior Manager Regime enforcement updates, COVID-19 contingency planning tips for litigators — and this must cost something — a lot of somethings, if Roll On Friday is anywhere near accurate about starting salaries — and they must fulfil some evolutionary purpose, though our latest theory is that, like a peacock’s tail — a heavy, useless flamboyant impediment that gets in the way if a predator is around; that is some kind of snub to the nose of natural selection — a some kind of analogue to a form of sexual selection.
Still, it is hard to imagine someone wanting to shag a client bullletin.
Can anyone enlighten us as to what role they play in the undulating topography of modern legal practice?