Sharpened stick
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Towards more picturesque speech™
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During the snow melt in 1941, Lance-Corporal Pinterman’s mother Gladys was swept away in an avalanche. Group Captain Cocklecarrot summoned Sergeant Baxter-Morley into his office. “Sergeant, I need you to pass on the news to Pinterman that is mother has died.”
“SAH!”
The next day, at morning reveille, Sergeant Baxter-Morley ran through his usual order of the day. “Johnston and Hodgkinson, report for guard duty. Fotherington-Thomas, you are on latrines. Pinterman, your mother is dead: have the morning off. The rest of you, report to Lieutenant Branton on the assault course.”
Pinterman — a sensitive soul at the best of times — was devastated. But worse was to come: not a month later, his father also died, taken by a bear. Group-Captain Cocklecarrot once again called in the drill sergeant in. “Look, Baxter-Morley, the poor chap didn’t get out of his bed for two weeks last time. How about being a little more tactful this time?”
“SAH!” The sergeant clicked heels and exited, calling the unit to assemble at once.
“All right men, fall in. Now we are conducting a parenthood survey. Every one of you whose father is still alive, when I blow this whistle, I want to take three steps forward. PINTERMAN WHNAT THE DEVIL ARE YOU DOING?”
When drafting a legal contract, you might expect experienced lawyers would avoid writing in a way that will feel to opponents like the poke of a sharpened stick in the ribs.
These are phrases that cost nothing, but can only inflame passions that you and your client are best suited by being quietened down. Take a little behavioural psychology to the table with you:
Unnecessary definitions:
- Indicators of lack of trust: “Any and all”, “one or more”, “whether or not”, “including without limitation”, “unless expressly agreed in writing”: any time it seems you are straining to button down any doubt, however fanciful, you impute to your counterparty an air of bad faith which will — even though it may be fully justified — put up hackles.