Sharpened stick

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During the snow melt in 1941, Lance-Corporal Pinterman’s mother Gladys was swept away in an avalanche. Group Captain Cocklecarrot summoned Sergeant Baxter-Morley into his office. “Sergeant, I need you to pass on the news to Pinterman that is mother has died.”

“SAH!”

The next day, at morning reveille, Sergeant Baxter-Morley ran through his usual order of the day. “Johnston and Hodgkinson, report for guard duty. Fotherington-Thomas, you are on latrines. Pinterman, your mother is dead: have the morning off. The rest of you, report to Lieutenant Branton on the assault course.”

Pinterman — a sensitive soul at the best of times — was devastated. But worse was to come: not a month later, his father also died, taken by a bear. Group-Captain Cocklecarrot once again called in the drill sergeant in. “Look, Baxter-Morley, the poor chap didn’t get out of his bed for two weeks last time. How about being a little more tactful this time?”

“SAH!” The sergeant clicked heels and exited, calling the unit to assemble at once.

“All right men, fall in. Now we are conducting a parenthood survey. Every one of you whose father is still alive, when I blow this whistle, I want to take three steps forward. PINTERMAN WHNAT THE DEVIL ARE YOU DOING?”

There are ways of saying things.

When drafting a legal contract, you might expect experienced lawyers would avoid writing in a way that will feel to opponents like the poke of a sharpened stick in the ribs.

These are phrases that cost nothing, but can only inflame passions that you and your client are best suited by being quietened down. Take a little behavioural psychology to the table with you:

Unnecessary definitions:

• Lack of trust indicators: “Any and all”, “one or more”, “whether or not”, “including without limitation”, “unless expressly agreed in writing”: any time it seems you are straining to button down any doubt, however fanciful, you impute to your counterparty an air of bad faith which will — even though it may be fully justified — put up hackles.
• Responsibility: instead of “we accept no liability for our advice or the content of anything we say or do ...” say “you are responsible for seeking your own independent advice and assessing the merits of the transaction”