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{{a|banking|[[File:Life savings.jpg|450px|thumb|center|A monstrous oppressor of the proletariat squirrelling away the sweat and tears of your toil, yesterday]]}}A big, bad, proletariat-munching behemoth without which the industrial revolution could not have happened and which is therefore an [[Causa sine qua non|operating cause]] of your iPhone, you horrid little anti-capitalist ingrate.  
{{a|banking|{{image|Life savings|jpg|A monstrous oppressor of the proletariat squirrelling away the sweat and tears of your toil, yesterday}}}}A big, bad, proletariat-munching behemoth without which the industrial revolution could not have happened and which is therefore an [[Causa sine qua non|operating cause]] of your iPhone, you horrid little anti-capitalist ingrate.  


Known more politely — but [[tedious]]ly — in the {{tag|EU}} as a [[credit institution]] under [[:Category:EU Legislation|European law]], to which [[Brexit means Brexit|the United Kingdom may not be subject for much longer]], which basically boils down to being a “[[bank]] domiciled in the {{tag|EU}}” (which UK banks may not be for much longer).
Banks can come in all shapes and sizes, every one of which is [[calculated]] to make wide-eyed, revolutionary, sociology students cross.
 
The best<ref>Activate «Irony» mode.</ref> kind is an [[investment bank]], but ''all'' [[banks]] want only to relieve you of your [[money]] — and to inflict general suffering on the downtrodden masses who can’t fight back, obviously.
 
===Assets and liabilities===
Banks are in the business of acquiring financial assets, mainly in the shape of loans of one sort or another for which they recurve interest and the repayment of principal, which they fund with liabilities — customer deposits, term loans, [[commercial paper]], senior debt, [[subordinated]] debt, [[contingent convertible securities]], that kind of thing — and funded in between with a thin alive is shareholder equity: “tier 1 common equity” which is the cushion between heath, wealth and good fortune over hand, and apocalyptic insolvency on the other.


Banks can come in all shapes and sizes, every one of which is [[calculated]] to make wide-eyed, revolutionary, sociology students cross.
There is a profound asymmetry between financial assets and financial liabilities, and it works against the bank: your assets may decline in value, depending on the solvency of your debtors, a matter largely outside your control; your liabilities, as long as you remain a going concern, may not. A liability to repay £100 and interest stays a liability to pay £100 no matter what.


The best kind is an [[investment bank]], but ''all'' [[banks]] want only to relieve you of your [[money]] — and to inflict general suffering on the downtrodden masses who can’t fight back, obviously.
Some financial wizards did try to change that in the run up to the last [[global financial crisis]], with sleight-of-hand accounting called [[debt value adjustment]]s, these people were rightly pelted in the street with cabbage in its aftermath and haven’t been heard from since.
{{sa}}
{{sa}}
*[[Bank account]]
*[[Bank account]]

Revision as of 22:27, 20 March 2023

Banking basics
A recap of a few things you’d think financial professionals ought to know
Life savings.jpg
A monstrous oppressor of the proletariat squirrelling away the sweat and tears of your toil, yesterday
Index: Click ᐅ to expand:
Banking
Mythology
Office life

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A big, bad, proletariat-munching behemoth without which the industrial revolution could not have happened and which is therefore an operating cause of your iPhone, you horrid little anti-capitalist ingrate.

Banks can come in all shapes and sizes, every one of which is calculated to make wide-eyed, revolutionary, sociology students cross.

The best[1] kind is an investment bank, but all banks want only to relieve you of your money — and to inflict general suffering on the downtrodden masses who can’t fight back, obviously.

Assets and liabilities

Banks are in the business of acquiring financial assets, mainly in the shape of loans of one sort or another for which they recurve interest and the repayment of principal, which they fund with liabilities — customer deposits, term loans, commercial paper, senior debt, subordinated debt, contingent convertible securities, that kind of thing — and funded in between with a thin alive is shareholder equity: “tier 1 common equity” which is the cushion between heath, wealth and good fortune over hand, and apocalyptic insolvency on the other.

There is a profound asymmetry between financial assets and financial liabilities, and it works against the bank: your assets may decline in value, depending on the solvency of your debtors, a matter largely outside your control; your liabilities, as long as you remain a going concern, may not. A liability to repay £100 and interest stays a liability to pay £100 no matter what.

Some financial wizards did try to change that in the run up to the last global financial crisis, with sleight-of-hand accounting called debt value adjustments, these people were rightly pelted in the street with cabbage in its aftermath and haven’t been heard from since.

See also

  1. ↑ Activate «Irony» mode.
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