Get your coat

From The Jolly Contrarian
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Office anthropology™
“Get your coat on, love: we’re going to the pub.”
“Oh! Am I invited?”
“No; I’m turning off the central heating.”

The JC puts on his pith-helmet, grabs his butterfly net and a rucksack full of marmalade sandwiches, and heads into the concrete jungleIndex: Click to expand:

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The time which, as it will come to all of us, will surely come to you. Portents include personal signs: a doughnut in your pay packet, or your silver bullet departing unexpectedly; and institutional signs: horsemen of the Apocalypse, a plague of locusts, or compliance declaring it is, finally, a suitable time for backtesting — but in that last case we’re all done for anyway.

But it almost certainly won’t be heralded by chatbots, contract review tools or document assembly, however much the COO might wish it were otherwise.

Constructive get your coat

There is also the constructive get your coat: directions to the coat check that ought to be, but inexplicably have not been, issued. These go to the “seasoned professional” who, through inadvertence, discloses a profound ignorance as to matters with which he really ought to be intimate. The CFO who says, “We were seeing things that were 25-standard deviation moves, several days in a row”. The credit officer who conveys the belief that banks keep your money in a little jar with your name on it. The CEO who thinks it is okay to discuss the banking affairs of a customer she doesn’t like with the BBC over a glass of wine at a charity dinner.[1]

There may be an alternative, better, universe out there where these people are properly self-actualising by wiping tables at Starbucks, but the unhappy fact of our own one is that far too many forge handsome careers in the city without ever being found out.

See also


  1. Stop press: we can report NatWest CEO’s coat has now been collected and said CEO is spending more time with her family and her damehood for public service.