Let’s take it offline: Difference between revisions
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{{anat|confcall|}}{{d|Let’s take it offline|/lɛts teɪk ɪt ˌɒfˈlaɪn/|phr|}} | {{anat|confcall|}}{{d|Let’s take it offline|/lɛts teɪk ɪt ˌɒfˈlaɪn/|phr|}} | ||
1. A sure sign, in an [[all-hands conference call]], that some ''ingénue'' has made the fatal mistake of dropping through the cloud-base of [[cliché]] into | 1. A sure sign, in an [[all-hands conference call]], that some ''ingénue'' has made the fatal mistake of dropping through the cloud-base of [[cliché]] into that inconvenient morass of [[Subject matter expert|substance and detail]]. | ||
Fortunately, there’s a ready-made defence. Expect a hasty plea to “[[take it offline]]” which, by tonal inflection, you might read as: | 2. (''Informal''): Business slang for “''You'' are a total moron”. | ||
3. (''Informal''): Business slang for “''I'' am a total moron”. | |||
The world of substance and subject matter expertise is, for those who perpetrate conference calls on their colleages, a grim place of intractable ugliness, inhabited by dark and violent [[Morlock|morlocks]]. IT is immune to resolution by crystalline [[Management consultancy|management theory]], and therefore should not, in any circumstances, be broached on a conference call. You have as much chance of persuading a [[management consultant]] to embrace the actual workings of daily life in the organisation as you do of persuading someone who quite likes steak to help you slaughter a cow. | |||
Fortunately, there’s a ready-made defence should someone make this tactical mistake. Expect a hasty plea to “[[take it offline]]” which, by tonal inflection, you might read as: | |||
*(''benign'') “Let’s set aside some time to [[drill down]] into detail just the two of us, sort it out, and [[circle back]] with a bit more [[granularity]] later in the day”; or | *(''benign'') “Let’s set aside some time to [[drill down]] into detail just the two of us, sort it out, and [[circle back]] with a bit more [[granularity]] later in the day”; or | ||
*(''neutral'') “Ugh — let’s [[kick the can down the road]] and maybe something else will intervene<ref>“Such as, ooh, I don’t know, the redundancy of the clot who asked that idiotic question?”</ref> to mean we never have to figure out the answer to that”; or | *(''neutral'') “Ugh — let’s [[kick the can down the road]] and maybe something else will intervene<ref>“Such as, ooh, I don’t know, the redundancy of the clot who asked that idiotic question?”</ref> to mean we never have to figure out the answer to that”; or | ||
*(''hostile'') “How about you just shut your cake-hole and let the [[change management]] [[workstream]] lead run the project, [[Counsel|counselor]]?” | *(''hostile'') “How about you just shut your cake-hole and let the [[change management]] [[workstream]] lead run the project, [[Counsel|counselor]]?” | ||
{{draft}} | {{draft}} | ||
{{egg}} | {{egg}} | ||
{{ref}} | {{ref}} | ||
Latest revision as of 13:54, 8 April 2022
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Conference Call Anatomy™
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Let’s take it offline
/lɛts teɪk ɪt ˌɒfˈlaɪn/ (phr.)
1. A sure sign, in an all-hands conference call, that some ingénue has made the fatal mistake of dropping through the cloud-base of cliché into that inconvenient morass of substance and detail.
2. (Informal): Business slang for “You are a total moron”.
3. (Informal): Business slang for “I am a total moron”.
The world of substance and subject matter expertise is, for those who perpetrate conference calls on their colleages, a grim place of intractable ugliness, inhabited by dark and violent morlocks. IT is immune to resolution by crystalline management theory, and therefore should not, in any circumstances, be broached on a conference call. You have as much chance of persuading a management consultant to embrace the actual workings of daily life in the organisation as you do of persuading someone who quite likes steak to help you slaughter a cow.
Fortunately, there’s a ready-made defence should someone make this tactical mistake. Expect a hasty plea to “take it offline” which, by tonal inflection, you might read as:
- (benign) “Let’s set aside some time to drill down into detail just the two of us, sort it out, and circle back with a bit more granularity later in the day”; or
- (neutral) “Ugh — let’s kick the can down the road and maybe something else will intervene[1] to mean we never have to figure out the answer to that”; or
- (hostile) “How about you just shut your cake-hole and let the change management workstream lead run the project, counselor?”
References
- ↑ “Such as, ooh, I don’t know, the redundancy of the clot who asked that idiotic question?”