Res bossitans

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Per Otto Büchstein’s formulation in Discourse on Intercourse, the person on the conference call whose fundamental essence is to tell the others what to do (in Büchstein’s phraseology a “action-assigning thing” or “res bossitans”). More generally, the person — often a contractor from Deloitte — whose sacred role in the organisation is to prod his colleagues in the ribs whenever they seem to be enjoying themselves.

The classic exchange is this:

Scene: An all-hands conference call. Late in the day. Attendees, severally, quietly feel their life essences drain away.

Attendee 1: OK, so that there seems to be consensus: it sounds like a bad idea.

Attendee 2: Agreed. It’s hard to configure, there are potential regulatory consequences and it doesn’t really fit our business model.

Attendee 3: Yeah, but there’s an industry group that has formed to look at it.

Attendee 1: Stupid idea, though, right?

Attendee 2: Yeah. But who knows — maybe they’ll figure out a way to make this work, but it’s not likely.

Attendee 3: Ok why don't we just leave it.

Attendee 1: Maybe just keep an eye on it — in case they do figure it out.

Attendee 2:Yeah. Monitor it.

Attendee 3:Passively.

All attendees (nodding, in unison): Passively monitor it.

Res bossitans (clears throat): Who is going to take an action to passively monitor it?